Archive for November, 2012


Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , , on November 14, 2012 by thecountessshadow

As an adolescent, I used to have a strange habit of renaming some songs and pieces of music!
It started when I came across a lovely piece of music in the Irish pop music channel! I love pop music, I love Irish music, I love mountains, and I love cottages! So as you see, I had every reason to be addicted to that radio station! Anyway, that music was called ” Irish Boy “, and when I heard it I was really taken by its beauty, and like what always happened to me with some works of art, I felt a connection between me and the music, between me and that Irish boy! I thought, the Irish boy, is so much like the me, the Egyptian boy! I felt, I envied him! I felt that music expressed me as much as it expressed him, and a strange idea popped up. I thought, may be this is known as the Irish boy everywhere, but not in my desktop, I clicked rename, and changed it to ” Egyptian boy “, and I smiled feeling pleased! Few minutes later, I looked at the name, then I thought, no, that is not Egyptian boy, I clicked rename again, and I gave it that name “myself”! and I was more pleased! After that day, I had that habit, and I gave that name ” myself” to another 4 or 5 pieces of music throughout my lifetime! I know, this might sound stupid and childish, hmm, may be even selfish, but it didn’t feel that way for me. It felt like I wanted to capture the magic of the music and keep it in my soul, hmm, may be like I wanted to enlarge that shared area between me and the music. I really don’t know, but it felt great at that time.

You may be waiting for the Irish boy music now, but unfortunately I am going to disappoint you, this is not about the Irish boy! 🙂
This is about ” Guantanamera ” the girl from Guantanamo!

I bet most of you must have listened to that very popular Cuban song, a very beautiful one, isnt it? A one that was sung by many many singers from Joseito Fernandez to Julio Iglesias. A very special song, that has many faces, and every version of it, gives you a freshly new feeling, as if you are listening to a completely different song. The first time I listened to that song, I found myself cheering up and dancing, like that was exactly the melody I have been waiting for to dance! I didn’t understand a word, as it was in Spanish  but I had the feeling that the lyrics would be nothing less beautiful than the music. At that time, I was in my early twenties, and of course I had already abandoned my childish habit of renaming the songs “myself”! But I suddenly remembered that old habit of mine, and I couldn’t resist the temptation! I wanted badly to rename it myself, but I didn’t. That was the one I wanted to name myself the most, but it felt so selfish to do that. I don’t know how do you feel about this song, but for me, I can smell love, revolution, liberty, and joy in that melody. I couldn’t spoil its beauty by labeling it as mine. May be it was my time to see the fine line between love, and ownership, may be it was the time I started to stop trying to own everything I love, to leave behind my childish egoism, and enjoy the beauty of love. I just replayed it and started dancing joyfully!

When I found the lyrics, I was speechless, and that song was officially labelled in my heart as the most beautiful song ever!
I created a whole folder just for that song, and I found every version of that amazing song, and kept them all there.

I met my companion, and we walked down the road of love, beginning at friendship, and all the way to that exciting intimate zone, where you feel the urge to share secrets, little secrets, and big ones, like willingly allowing the other to totally invade your being.
I shared things, then I decided to show her my inner melody! I thought, she would be surprised that the song I loved the most was that cheerful, simple Cuban folklore song! I don’t give that appearance, if you can understand me, and something like the moonlight sonata would suit my looks better! But that was my secret, like everyone, the outer looks mean nothing, and deep down at the centre of a depressed man, you may find extreme joy and love for life, as it is possible to find a huge sadness at the centre of an easy-going, cheerful girl! For my surprise, she was not surprised! She listened to my all versions of the song, the whole folder! and she just said, it feels so much like you! I felt ecstatic and she just added, I love the Pete Seeger one the most ( how sweet and classy is her taste!), and since then, that song became one of our icons that we play when we want to feel cheerful. Today, I post this for her, to give her some morning joy, and to share one of our icons with you.

I thought that I would write a bit in here about Pete Seeger, that man with the pure voice, and big heart, but I believe you would enjoy it more, if you make the search all by yourself, exploring the life of this great musician, a life full of music, activism and love.

I will share the Spanish lyrics, the English translation, and then a link for the song..Enjoy! 🙂

Yo soy un hombre sincero
De donde crece la palma
Y antes de morirme quiero
Echar mis versos del alma
Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera

Mi verso es de un verde claro
Y de un carmi­n encendido
Mi verso es un ciervo herido
Que busca en el monte amparo
Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera

Cultivo una rosa blanca
En julio como en enero
Para el amigo sincero
Que me da su mano franca
Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera

Con los pobres de la tierra
Quiero yo mi suerte echar
El arroyo de la sierra
Me complace mas que el mar
Guantanamera, guajira Guantanamera
I am a truthful man
From where the palm tree grows
And before dying I want
To let out the verses of my soul

My verse is light green
And it is flaming red
My verse is a wounded stag
Who seeks refuge on the mountain

I grow a white rose
In July just as in January
For the honest friend
Who gives me his open hand

With the poor people of the earth
I want to cast my lot
The brook of the mountains
Gives me more pleasure than the sea

Her Wild Stallion

The dream

Posted in Femdom Literature with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2012 by thecountessshadow

She was not so beautiful, with her frizzy hair, narrow eyes and that not so soft skin! He knew it, and he wished at times she was more beautiful, his mind worked hard changing some details, taking that actress long hair, these eyes of the woman in the portrait in his grandma’s hall, and giving them to her! He even thought once to buy her a hair iron in her birthday to make her look more pretty, but he pushed away the idea later, as he feared her mum who was his aunt would find it weird and suspect him! He thought, even if she is not so pretty, she is still good looking! One year younger than him she was, and he always hated her challenging him, always telling him no to whatever he says like she intended to tease him, or bother him! That last fight one year ago, about the cards made him really mad! He got the playing cards, gathered the other kids, and sat down to play, but she insisted on choosing the game he hated, like an angry child he stood up and said, you are so silly, why do you want to spoil the fun?! She gave him a cold look and got up without saying a word, and he felt real angry at her, he felt very much like hitting her, but that would get him into trouble with his mum and aunt, and he would definitely be punished! That made him more mad! This young witch makes me so angry, and I cant give her a hard time like she gives me, he thought. He then told himself, well I must look cool and careless, I should never give her the pleasure of watching me angry! And he went to the tv and opened it, as if he didn’t give a shit about playing cards, but she came out to the hall and looked at him in front of the tv, and laughed! He felt so angry, he knew she understood his trick! She knew he wanted badly to play cards and that he was so frustrated! He felt so helpless, unable to bother her as she bothers him! I don’t know why she enjoys bothering me so much?! What’s wrong with her?! I hate that bitch, he thought!

He always hated her attitude, but all of a sudden, all that changed! A major event happened to him, and changed the way he felt towards her. He reached puberty! That hormonal explosion has made his voice deeper, that tiny hair erupting from his face, that new pleasurable feeling coming from the member residing between his thighs! He was changing, and that explosion did not just change his body, but for his astonishment, it changed the way he felt towards her!

Nothing has changed about her, she was still cold as ever, still challenging him as always, but he started feeling differently about her stubborn nature! It was him who changed, and willingly bent to her will when she insisted on something to be done her way! It was a huge shift in his attitude, and instead of thinking of ways to bother her, finding ways to earn her affection was his main concern!

It was obvious that he changed, and she did notice it, but she never changed. She never tried to be nice to him, and after a while, that made him feel angry inside again! but he didn’t dare to let that anger outside as before. He wanted to act like a gentleman, and more importantly he didn’t want to destroy his efforts in earning her affection over the last few months! He thought, it just needs more time, and I have to be patient.

She wasn’t so pretty, and he never understood the origin of his attraction to her, he never understood the origin of this intense sexual energy surrounding her! May be she was his only option, as he was so shy to go for a girl at school?! Is it that he stayed many nights at his aunt’s, and saw her in her sleepwear? these intimate feelings a boy develops when he sees a girl in her home wear, even if they don’t show a lot of her body?! It is possible! Or is it her stubborn and aggressive nature that nurtures his twisted sexual taste??! He never knew, but the only thing he did know, that he became obsessed with her, her silhouette chasing him everywhere, when he sits on his desk for his homework, at school, and when he goes to bed every night! He wanted to touch her! Touch her, yes, that is exactly what I want, he thought! He felt very scared and very excited, with the word “touch” echoing in his mind! Scared and excited like entering a freshly new territory! He felt like the word has a new meaning, like he has always used it and never understood it! Under his blanket staring at the darkness in his room, he whispered it to himself ” touch her”, and he smiled pleased with his courage, like he just dared to let that huge secret of his out! He smiled again and spoke it a bit louder “touch her”, and he felt so euphoric! He reached out to the edge of his bed and started moving his finger tips over the wood, like he was exploring what it was like to be a wooden bed! He then reached for the wall touching it, like he was exploring what it was like to be a wall! Like he was exploring what was it like to touch! Amazed with his recently discovered sense, he suddenly remembered her. It was already dark in his room, but he closed his eyes, he wanted more darkness, he wanted nothing to disturb her silhouette in his mind. He felt like he went into a trance! Like he was disconnected from the whole world, and it was only her image filling the void, there was only him and her!
Closing his eyes, with only her in front of him, he stretched his arm reaching for her shoulder, stopped midway with his heart beating faster, took a deep breath and with trembling hands, he went the whole way touching her shoulder with his finger tips, moving his fingers all the way down her arm and upwards to her shoulder again, withdrawing his hand, and reaching for her neck, moaning with ecstasy he moved his index finger along her neck all the way down to her chest bone, and gently across it, to where it meets her soft shoulder once again! Sinking more and more into his dreams, he remembered her white tight dress, sticking to her waist and showing the lovely angle where her waist meets her hips, what a lucky dress, he thought as he exhaled a hot breath burning with his desires! The white dress, he whispered, remembering it, just above her knees, her legs embracing each other as she crosses one over the other and dangles her feet in her white slippers carelessly! He moaned deeply remembering that scene! Dangling her small feet in her white slippers and throwing them off her feet carelessly, flexing her tiny toes, and taking her legs up her seat curling them under her!
With her legs and feet filling his mind, he pulled his hands under the blanket, and reached for his new friend! and…..he discovered a new meaning for the word…Touch!

It was not only he changed his reaction to her stubborn behaviour, he actually started to love it! May be, he has always loved it, but just confessed it to himself now, and that’s why he has always kept thinking about her, repeatedly trying to play with her despite the fact that she has always dumped him?! He was not sure, but he knew that by now, he was loving her aggressive nature! He didn’t just bend to her will as it was the case since his puberty, but he started to intentionally create situations that evoked her aggression so that he could enjoy bending to her will! enjoy begging her to come back to play, but it was not about playing cards anymore, it was about begging her! He cared to sit always facing her so that he could peek at her feet! Then it became even worse when he started feeling an urge to sit beneath her! Whenever she sat over a chair in some room, he found an excuse to be sitting down on the carpet, pretending to be looking for something he lost, or whatever came to his mind as a suitable excuse, and he always struggled to hide his hardons doing that! It kept getting worse and worse, and he felt that she started to sense it, when she told him once, ok now, don’t start begging, I said I hate playing cards, then she had a long pause looking harshly at him, and added, and I hate your begging too!
His face turned tomato red hearing that, and despite his embarrassment, he couldn’t stop himself from getting hard, which of course, she has noticed!
Following that incident, he stopped going to his aunt’s for a while, feeling so afraid and embarrassed, trying to get her out of his head, but all his efforts were in vain. The more he stayed away from her, the more his need for her grew wilder! He started dreaming about her day and night, awake and asleep, and his dreams grew more and more weird. He dreamed of her pulling his hair and slapping him, and he just kissed her hands. He dreamed of her slapping his face with the bottom of her white slippers as he just kissed her slippers and bent to kiss her feet! He was terrified from his feelings, but he couldn’t help but drown in them more and more, until he couldn’t resist anymore. He had that mad idea before but was so scared to do it! Now, it is time to go for it, he thought! Still scared as before, but his desires were stronger than his fear! Whatever happens, I will just do it, he said to himself.


He went to his aunt’s and stayed there all day, studying and acting normally, not even peeking at her, so that she never expects what he was going to do. He stayed overnight and everybody went to bed, but he stayed awake until it was midnight, and it seemed like everybody was in a deep sleep. He stood up and moved towards the room’s door, and then he stopped, his legs were shivering with fear that he almost fell down. He was so scared, thinking, what if someone wakes up? he would be in real trouble, but few seconds later, he stood up decided to go for it, whatsoever the consequences would be! He opened the door and walked gently seeking her room. He put his ears close to her room’s door, listening carefully for any sound, and when it was so quiet, he held the doorknob and opened gently and stood still, making sure the sound hasn’t woken her up! For a moment, the fear was taking over him, and he thought to just run away, but a look at her lying over her bed with her feet coming out from under her blanket set him on fire, and he entered the room, closed the door gently after him, and stood there in the darkness, seeing nothing but her bare feet, and hearing nothing but his heart beats!
He walked a single step, then stopped! I don’t walk to her, he thought, I crawl to her! And he went down on all fours and crawled all the way from the door to her bed. Breathing heavily he was, not believing he was there, kneeling by her bed, with his face few inches from her feet, breathing heavily that he was afraid his breaths might wake her up! He held his breath and touched her sole with his lips, he looked involuntarily at her to make sure she didn’t wake up, and when he saw her lying down quietly, he kissed her sole passionately and whispered, I adore you. She moved her leg and he shivered and quickly fell down hiding behind the bed, so afraid he stayed there without a move for a while. It seemed like she just turned around in her bed, so he got up from behind the bed slowly, kissed her foot one last kiss, looked at her and left. After the fear was gone, he felt ecstatic and stayed that way for the next several days, with his little adventure playing in his head over and over again like a cheerful song! He was happy, but he became more obsessed with her, and he decided to repeat that lovely adventure again, but thought it would be better to wait for a while before doing it again.
A couple of weeks after his adventure, he was at his aunt’s for lunch, and that was when he noticed she was acting differently. At first he thought, she was giving him more attention, a sort of being nice with him, but then he noticed that she was as cold as usual.

The only difference was the weird look she gave him every now and then, but he never understood what did it mean, and he was too excited ( being around her) to pay attention to that minor detail. He decided he would stay over night and repeat his lovely adventure tonight. Again it was midnight, and everybody was sleeping. He walked to her room and opened the door gently, with more confidence and ease this time, and he got inside and closed the door. She was lying in her bed, exactly like the last time, and he got down and crawled to her bed to find a surprise, to find her sitting down on her bed awake and looking down at him! He was shocked, taken by the scary surprise that he couldn’t even stand up. She kept looking at him a cold empty look, and remained silent. The silence burnt his nerves as a series of horrible images passed by his head like a streaming video! His mother, his dad, his aunt, even his brothers, that is going to be a scandal, a nightmare! What did you do to yourself you stupid, he kept thinking and shivering until awakened from his nightmare by her cold voice, stand up you weirdo! He stood up in a mechanical movement like a robot, unable to say a word, or even to think about anything to tell her as an excuse for being in her room, what excuse could explain your presence inside her room after midnight,he thought, so he just remained silent. His thoughts were again interrupted by her voice again, more cold this time as she said, you think you are smart? answer me, you think I don’t know your dirty secret? not just this time, I knew it 2 weeks ago, she said as she looked directly into his eyes! Don’t you have any honour? sneaking into my room at night and doing your dirty things, do you want me to wake everybody now to show them how filthy you are? He was terrified and got out of his silence saying quickly, no please, don’t tell anybody, I will just leave now. She didn’t answer and kept looking at him a cruel look. He looked away, then he looked at her again and continued, I am sorry, really sorry, I don’t know why did I do that horrible thing, I must have been out of my mind! Please forgive me, I will never do anything like that again, but please don’t tell anybody, ok? Again she didn’t answer and he started to panic saying, would you tell them? please tell me you won’t. He was so scared that he almost cried, but she didn’t say a word, and she didn’t move her eyes away from his, then she said, get out of my room! He was more scared and begged her again, please don’t tell anybody, I am sorry, but she only repeated, get out of my room now! Her harsh tone made it obvious that there was no chance to say a single more word, so he just left. He couldn’t sleep that night and he left the house with sunshine.
He spent a hell of a week, unable to do anything, and waiting for his nightmare to come true. He became paranoid, suspecting every look from his mother, and waiting for the catastrophe. It was a week and nothing happened, he started relaxing telling himself that if she hasn’t told anybody till now, then she was not going to do it. He started to feel guilty, he felt despise towards himself, and convinced himself that he was sorry for what he had done. Deep inside him, he knew he was not sorry for anything other than the bad luck that made her catch him doing it, but it was his way to thank god for letting it pass safely, feeling guilty was his own childish way to thank god for helping him! He got himself indulged in school things, and never went to his aunt’s, even when it was a family gathering for the feast, he told his mum he was so tired to go anywhere. He didn’t want to look into her eyes ever again. It was fear, the major motivation for everything he had done for more than a month. With time, the fear started to fade, and the embarrassment started to hide, and his desires began to show up once again!

The first time he felt his need for her, he panicked! Like her silhouette would get angry with him not keeping his promise, and would tell everybody about him! He got up from his bed and turned on the lights and sat at his desk studying, trying to push these desires away, but it didnt work, so he got up, did some push ups until he was out of his breath, and after his shower, he was relaxed and ready to sleep. The next time it came to him, he felt so tense, and he started praying! God help me to push these dirty ideas outside my head, please God, I hate them, he prayed! He was thinking inside, what am I doing? Do you think you could deceive your God? He knows you dont hate these ideas! He knows you want her so much! you should be praying, Please God, make her love me! He said to himself. But he kept pushing these thoughts away, and the more he felt that way, the more he prayed, God help me! He then went to his desk, trying to sink in his books to clear his mind, but he found himself thinking about the weirdest thing, asking himself the weirdest question, is it possible she loved it? She said, she knew about the first time, and it seems like she has noticed my attitude towards her before that incident, then why didnt she stop me the first time?! He kept thinking, it is obvious, she loved it and that moral speech was just a big lie! Thinking about this, he suddenly became so excited! Flooded with his emotions and desires, he jumped to the next question, what should I do next?! Many crazy ideas passed by his mind, but he suddenly woke up from his thoughts! He felt tense remembering what happened last time he saw her. No more stupid adventures, no more stupid assumptions! you will just get yourself into trouble, that is enough! He said to himself. He calmed down, and said to himself, at least, she didnt stop me the first time, she was awake, then she was approving, and I dont have to feel so embarrassed and broken in front of her! If she gives me that cold look, I will look her in the eyes a more cruel look, and she would never dare tell anybody! He felt a bit relieved, but unfortunately, that never took away his need for her! Three months had passed by now, and he had almost forgotten about that incident, and even forgot about her.
It was a feast, and he went to the family gathering at his grandma’s. It was crowded there with his uncles and aunts and their kids. He was energetic and social, and for the first time in his life, he totally ignored her, as if she never existed, and he had fun with the other boys and girls. In the evening, most of the people had left, and it became quiet in there. He was sitting alone in a room listening to his grandma’s old radio, when she came in and sat down in front of him, but he ignored her presence. He was feeling good that day, and he felt strong, so when she looked at him, he looked back at her an empty cold look. It was like a power struggle with the eyes, and they both kept looking at each other for a long period of time, until she stood up and walked to the balcony, she turned back to him and said, follow me! Her tone was ordering, but he didnt move and just said, I am listening to music as you must have seen, but she repeated strictly, follow me! No, I won’t, he answered! What do you want? He added. We have an issue, remember? We need to get things settled, she said looking at him, but he looked back challenging her, and said, no, we have no issues, and you’d better stop that childish behaviour! She remained silent for a while, then she said in a rather seducing voice, believe me, you will regret it if you don’t follow me, and she got inside the balcony and closed the wooden door after her! He sat there for a while, resisting his desire to join her! It didnt sound like a threat to him, it felt so different, her eyes and voice were so seducing and he found himself drowning in his desires, like her seducing voice awakened his need for her, and all of a sudden he felt so weak and needy, and so submissive! He stood up and followed her in there!

It was an old style balcony with an old fashion eastern bay all around, and entering there he found that she has already closed it, so it became more like a room than a balcony. Sitting there over the chair beside his grandma’s tub, crossing her legs and dangling her shoes, looking steadily at him. He looked at the cactus plant and the mint in the tub, then at her sitting on her chair, and he felt she looked like a queen! She sensed his weakness for her, so she crossed her legs the other side to make him more and more needy, and he just couldn’t resist anymore! His hardon was very obvious and she looked at it and said, I knew you would come, now do what you very much want to do. He was reluctant, but she said strictly, don’t act like you don’t understand me, get down and kiss my feet! We both know you are dying for it! He just melted, fell down to his knees and started kissing the tip of her shoes, breathing heavily as he rubbed his face in her bare heel showing from her shoe as she dangled it. She dropped the shoe and pushed her toes into his hungry mouth and up his throat almost choking him, then she pulled her foot out of his mouth and pushed his face away from her with her foot! He was on the floor as she stood up and looked down at him a lusty cruel look, put on her shoes and walked outside, leaving him alone in the balcony. He was so confused, why she did leave, why she did ask him to come if she didn’t want him?! But he was very excited to think about anything, and he did the weirdest possible thing, he masturbated himself, and lied down peacefully!
He didnt think a lot about what happened between them, and he went on normally with his life. They met a couple of times and she treated him normally as if nothing has happened between them, and despite his astonishment, he didnt pay much attention to her weird attitude, until it was a time they met at his grandma’s, and the moment they were alone, she told him strictly to follow her inside, and he just obeyed and followed her throwing himself at her feet kissing them and enjoying her arrogant look at him, and it became like a sort of silent deal. Everything was quite normal between them, until they were at their grandma’s, only at their grandma’s, and without any talking! She just looked at him, and entered the balcony, and he followed her mindlessly to enjoy the few minutes she allowed him to worship her! And the door of the balcony, became like the door to heaven for him! In there the time stopped, and the world ceased to exist, and there was only her and him, the queen and her slave! Their relationship was so unusual, and very complicated. For everybody else, they seemed like the cousins who weren’t so friendly, she was cold and insensitive to him, and he didnt pay much attention to her, but inside the balcony, there was a totally different story, a wild, twisted, endless pleasure!
It was like that for almost a year, until she travelled abroad with her parents, and for his astonishment, he didnt miss her much, he didnt even feel sad when he visited his aunt to say goodbye before she travelled! He just shook hands with her and said, enjoy the trip, and she didnt seem to care either! She shook his hands and just said, thank you, stay safe! The first time he felt sad was when he was at his grandma’s after she travelled, when he saw the balcony door and she wasn’t there! He entered the balcony and looked at the empty chair, where she used to sit down, her throne as he always thought of it, and he felt so lonely and sad that he cried! He rubbed his face in the foot of her throne, and kept shedding tears! He didnt feel sad when he said goodbye to her, and now , he was just crying! It was like he didn’t miss her, it was like he missed his balcony queen! But she was his balcony queen, and he couldn’t understand why did he just start to miss her that moment?! It was like their relationship existed only inside that balcony! Inside that balcony was their shared world and passion, and the moment they stepped outside it, they became just strangers!

His relationship with her was one of the weird things in his life that he never understood, but the time passed and gradually he forgot everything about that relationship. Years have passed, and he only saw her occasionally, almost once every year or two during her short visits to the country. They grew older, and started to act differently. She was no longer the silly aggressive young girl, and he ceased being that horny boy! They just became normal cousins who smiled at each other when they did meet occasionally, and had a short chat about college and new albums of famous singers. It’s true the first time they met at their grandma’s after years from her travelling abroad, they both felt a bit tense, and she was even more tense than he was, but like a gentleman he eased her by discussing some college stuff, and making fun at how they used to act like enemies during their childhood, like he was trying to tell her indirectly, that it was very long ago, so dont feel tense about it, and she became more comfortable as she got the message. It was like they had a silent deal, that this weird relationship was an early adolescence issue, that meant nothing, and it was over.

He grew up and stopped being that extremely shy boy he was. He was in love with one of his college colleagues, and has forgotten totally about that old relationship, until something happened to him, a weird thing that reminded him of that old story, and brought its every minor detail back to his mind. That something was a dream! a very unexpected and weird dream!

It was an average size room, like a bedroom, but there was no furniture other than a bed. Everything in the room was white, the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and the bed sheets. The white was always soothing, but it needed some colour to contrast it, but everything was so white that it made him feel a bit uncomfortable. Standing in the middle of the room, not sure where he was, he started looking around him, and he saw her, sitting there on the bed. He was astonished to see her there, and he said hi, how are you doing, and she just nodded and answered him, hi you, I am ok! He looked astonished as she was relaxed like everything was just fine, and he looked around him again, thinking this might be a room at his aunt’s house or something and he just didnt notice it, but it was nothing like any place he has ever been to! So he looked again at her and asked, where are we? What is this place? and she answered quietly, I don’t know! She sounded like a fool to him, and he said, what do you mean you don’t know? Why are you so calm?! She didn’t answer him but he kept going anyway, this white is bothering me, I need some colour! Doesn’t it bother you, he asked, but again she just nodded as whatever! He felt she had gone mad and he walked to the room’s door to open it. He moved the doorknob and was taken by the surprise, the door is locked! He kept pulling it, and knocking! Hey, anybody out there! Grandma! knocking again, but no body answered, and the door didn’t open! He looked at her and shouted, why are you so calm, we are locked here in this fucking white room you fool! He was going to shout at her again as her silence drove him mad, when he heard that scary muffled wild roar, and he was frozen in his place, about to wet his pants! He looked down at the direction of the roar, and he was terrified, feeling nothing but the cold sweat drops collecting over his pale face and forehead! What the hell is that, he wondered while that cold shiver crawled up his spine! That creature whatever it was, was so dark black, so dark like a deep moonless night, so dark that the white walls couldn’t make it look any darker! It had the looks of a cat, the size of a Doberman, and the eyes of a tiger! It looked like a very wild black tiger if there was anything like a black tiger! That beast was looking at him, and he was real horrified, thinking that was his end! But then, that creature yawned lazily, and went back to sleep! He started breathing again not believing he was still alive, and he started stepping away from it on his toes, gently so as not to wake it up! He threw himself on the bed beside her and sat down still struggling to hold himself together, as he spoke to her saying, did you see that beast? we are locked here with that beast. We have to find a way out before it wakes up hungry, and tears us into pieces, he said. He was talking quickly, feeling so scared, as he suddenly noticed that she wasn’t paying attention to his words, he held her arms and shook her, look, look at that monster, don’t you see it, he said while pointing at the sleeping beast, but she just nodded as if there was nothing! He left her arms and said to himself, she must have gone crazy! I have to work alone to get us out of here, he said to himself, and he ignored her and started talking to himself, calm down, calm down and think, and his mind started working with his eyes, looking for a way out, but there were no windows, nothing but the fucking locked door! He was getting more tense, when her footsteps interrupted his thoughts, and he was terrified when he saw her walking towards the beast. He stood up shivering, and called her in a low voice, come back here, where are you going?! Don’t approach this thing, you will wake it up! but she didn’t reply and kept walking towards the big black cat and she stood just beside it.

He was speechless, and there was only terror in his eyes, when she kicked the wild beast with the tip of her shoe in its face, and every hair in his body was erected! The beast raised its eyes to her, moved its claws a bit upwards, but then lied down again! He looked at her, unable to take anymore, and he shouted at her, what are you doing?! Are you mad?! You are gonna kill us! But she just laughed and kicked the beast again in its face harder, and he was shivering more, almost crying! Please, please stop it, it will tear us! Stop this madness, he said, but she just kicked the beast once more, and it opened its eyes wide this time, roared wildly, and looked angrily at us like the demons of hell were dancing in its wild eyes! He was sure, she had lost her mind and he felt nothing but that survival instinct. She kept laughing carelessly and the beast started getting up on its feet, as he kept moving slowly towards the door, determined to break it open, or at least die trying! He reached the door, and the moment his hand touched the doorknob, she kicked the angry beast again and it was hell unleashed when the huge cat jumped up wildly. He didn’t know, was it the fear that unleashed his latent energy to pull that door violently and open it, or did someone unlock it?! He didn’t know, he didn’t care to know! He just pulled her hand and screamed ruuun, and he started racing the wind!
It was like she at last got her mind back and started running! It was a long narrow corridor and they were both running as the beast chased them roaring wildly, determined to tear their flesh! He had no idea where he was, but he kept running anyway when the corridor was divided into 2 ways. He picked the right side and she picked the left, and he felt so angry and scared when the beast left her and came after him! She woke up the beast, and now she is safe, and he is the one going to die between that ugly bitch claws, he thought while running. He suddenly found himself in the middle of a mall, with a lot of people around him, and he started screaming as he ran, somebody help me! help! but no one did anything other than a rapid careless look, and the beast was getting closer and closer.
His body was about to give up, unable to run more, and he became more scared, when he suddenly thought, that is a mess! I am dreaming, and he started looking backwards at the wild creature and screaming, you are a dream, a nightmare, but it didn’t stop chasing him, and he started screaming at himself, wake up, wake up now! but nothing happened, and he found himself in a street, with the blue open sky above him, the beast just a few steps behind him, and he just thought, I have to fly! It sounded like a brilliant idea to him! That thing can’t fly! But how can I fly? are you mad? This is a dream, a dream, and I can fly in a dream, he kept repeating to himself! I will try to take off now, that was the word that came to his mind, take off! and he found himself flying upwards but he was afraid when his feet went up and left the earth, so he fell down quickly, and he thought, you can fly, you make it fill your mind with no fear and it will happen! and just before the beast’s claws touched him, he was taking off, getting higher and higher up in the sky! He looked down, fearless this time, and saw the beast roaring down, then he looked at the street, the buildings and the people all under him! I am flying, he said with ecstasy, as he saw a herd of birds flying by his side! He felt like he wanted to keep flying forever, and he started singing cheerfully, but it was his brown wardrobe in front of him! He woke up!

He was sitting down in his bed breathing heavily, not sure what he was exactly feeling. That was definitely his worst nightmare, but he wasn’t tense at all, on the contrary, he was feeling so good, so relaxed! He whispered to himself, I knew it was a dream, then he smiled, whispering again, I can fly, so lovely is the sky! He laughed at himself, feeling like a fool, making up that childish song, and he got up of his bed heading to the bathroom, still smiling, and telling himself, a fool or not, who cares, I can fly!

It was his weekend, and he used to stay home on weekends, like he wanted to enjoy every possible moment of his spare day in laziness and talking over the phone with his girlfriend! But, he felt like going out that day, he wanted to be in the open air.
He walked heading to nowhere, thinking about that dream, what a dream it was, he thought! Waves and waves of ideas, and memories kept hitting his mind, the white walls, the black cat, flying, a very loaded dream, more than just a dream it was. It sounded crazy, but that was the way he felt about it, a message it was! His cousin, he remembered their story together, the balcony! I have to visit the divine balcony, He thought and laughed, heading to his grandma’s house! He kept thinking, what did that beast stand for? lust? Or is it your kinky desires?! He smiled, pleased with his Freudian talents! Then, you were locked with lust, the sleeping beast, she provoked it to chase you, and only then, the door was opened, yes! Only when lust is awake, you can break the door open to freedom! He continued with thoughts, but it might eat you alive when awake! Not if you manage to fly! All you need to do is to believe you can fly.
His thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Madbouly’s voice, the old barber, standing in his shop as he has been for ages, greeting him, hello kid, so grown up you became, and he smiled back answering him, hello old man, you look as good as a 20-year-old guy!
He was at his grandma’s drinking the morning tea with her, and he went to the balcony, entered it, and stood there for a while remembering, and for his astonishment, he felt that warm gush of blood into his face! That dream took him many years back, and the balcony got back its energy once again!
He was kissing his grandma’s hands, preparing to leave, when somebody knocked at the door. It was her, his cousin! What a coincidence he thought! They performed the social ritual of greetings and smiling, and he told her he was just going to leave, and just at the door, he turned and smiled saying, tell me, why did you kick the beast honey? She stared at him and said, excuse me? what beast?! He smiled again and said, never mind, you made me fly, and he left!

Walking down the street, waving bye to Mr. Madbouly the barber! He was thinking, she became more beautiful than before, and after a pause, he just whispered it, confess it you little pervert, her feet look so appealing, more than ever!
May be I don’t want to fly now, may be I want to stay with the beast for a while, he thought and started laughing!

Her Wild Stallion

Salah Jaheen quadruplets

Posted in Poetry & Literature with tags , , , , , , on November 6, 2012 by thecountessshadow

Salah Jaheen, an egyptian poet, cartoonist, actor and journalist. He is a very sensitive artist, and one of my favourite poets, well known for his quadruplets that are condensed short poems full of beauty and wisdom. I thought I would share 2 of my favourite quadruplets with you. As usual, the original script, and my humble translation.

انا شاب لكن عمرى ولا الف عام
وحيد لكن بين ضلوعى زحام
خايف بس خوفى منى انا
اخرس بس قلبى مليان كلام
و عجبى

I am a youth
but my age is one thousand years!
but a crowd within my heart cheers
but it’s myself I do fear
but many words my heart bears!

عينى رات كلمة من كلام الورق
النور شرق ما بين حروفها و برق
حبيت اشيلها فى قلبى قالت حرام
ده انا كل قلب دخلت فيه اتحرق
و عجبى

A word on a paper I saw
sunlight from between its letters
has shone
Within my heart I keep you
but it screamed no
For every heart I entered
was burnt and gone!

Her Wild Stallion

The sin, the virtue and the desire!

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , on November 3, 2012 by thecountessshadow

“I am no longer sure of anything. If I satiate my desires, I sin but I deliver myself from them; if I refuse to satisfy them, they infect the whole soul.”

Jean Paul Sartre.

That is one of my favourite quotes of Sartre’s. I am sure everybody has most probably heard about Sartre, but for those who are not familiar with his name, he is Jean Paul Sartre, a French philosopher, novelist and journalist, and more importantly the father of modern existential philosophy. Anyway, this post is not about Sartre, and I am not the right person to write about this great man, as I am still exploring his writings, but I felt obliged to start this post with that quote of his, that quote which originated from his genius mind is definitely the best beginning ever for this sort of discussion.

The sin, the virtue, and the desire. That scary triangle ( actually more scary than the mythical Bermuda triangle! ) has always kept the philosophers’ minds busy thinking about it, trying to solve that hard equation. This triangle has always been at the heart of all religions’ teachings, like it represents that eternal battle between the soul and the flesh!
And that scary triangle has been a very important part of my own inner conflict, and many of my personal choices during my lifetime depended on, at which head of the triangle I was standing at the time I made that choice!

To start this discussion, you must know something about me, and we have to make a deal together! The thing you must know, is that I am not writing this to support or to insult any religion or faith, that is not the purpose of this post at all. I am just speaking up my mind and sharing my thoughts with you, and that takes us to the deal, which is not to be angry with me if my thoughts dont coincide with your own beliefs. I dont claim I have the answer or the absolute truth, and all I want is to discuss and share my own ideas and views, as I believe that the most precious virtue,is freedom of the mind! Now after we made our deal, we can move on 🙂

The priest ( I will use the word priest to refer to any religious leader of any religion) tells you, don’t sin, and according to your religion he may ask you to accept god in your heart, or abide by God’s rules, or any other similar things, the language used may slightly differ, but after all, all these words are the same! They ask you to be virtuous, and when you ask how, they tell you to follow God, they tell you, pray and you will be fine! How cunning they are!
They are not cunning because they ask you to accept God, they are cunning because they don’t answer the question while they pretend they do, leaving you in a conflict and a hard choice between being virtuous as your desires eat you alive, or feeling you are a sinner as guilt burns you! So cunning and harmful they are!
The problem with these teachings is that they ignore the earthy facts, they ignore the body thinking they are taking you to the eternal spiritual realm, and while I do personally believe in the spirit, I dont think that sort of teachings would lead to any spiritual growth, as how can there be a fruit without a tree, and how could a tree bear fruits without being deeply rooted..These teachings want to pass beneath the body, while you have to go beyond the body and not beneath it to acquire any degree of spiritual growth.
The other problem with these teachings is that they are heavily contradictory and unlogic. They do send a lot of contradictory messages leaving a mess behind them! For example, when you eat, they tell you, ok but don’t be greedy, and when a poor man complains about being hungry, they tell him, don’t complain and thank God, be ascetic! When you are living your life and not thinking much about religious issues, they ask you to think about God and eternal life, and when you start really thinking and asking questions, real existential questions, they get scared and urge you not to think that way, they tell you that the mind could be devilish and misguide you, do you know why?? because your questions are so threatening to them! Priests have no answers, they only have rules, and advice! and personally I hated nothing in my life as I hate advice! I believe in this, dont advise me, surprise me! show me! and if you have no surprises, just share with me! and if you have nothing to share, for God’s sake, be silent!

I understand that this post is about sin and desire, not about priests and religions, but I am talking about priests, because the 2 subjects are closely related, at least in our minds! Besides, I assume by now you must have known this about me, I have that problem, that flow of thoughts which attacks me whenever I start talking about something, leading to this form of scattered ideas like a puzzle here for you to collect, so forgive me for that, but I cant help it 🙂

I didn’t trust priests since my early days. I realized how cunning and more importantly superficial they were, so I ignored them and their teachings, and got myself involved in a sort of mythical faith, Sufism to be accurate. I dont know if you are familiar with the word Sufism, and it is definitely something worth writing many posts about, but this is not the time for this. So, I discarded the priests but the problem with sin was not over! and I started to understand that it was not simply about the priests’ teachings, so I began to look closer at the concept of sin itself! Is it real? Is there something like a sin for real, or is it just the creation of sick minds to chain us, to keep humans under control?! Like that old saying, ” if you want to teach him to be afraid, take him to a priest! “..Many questions were there, and I was confused, I had desires burning inside me like an everlasting flame! Keeping in mind that I grew up in a conservative, and almost religious family, you can imagine the degree of guilt I experienced just at the mere thought of living my desires! I was angry, very angry at religious men, I got involved into imaginary angry dialogues with them, like there was an imaginary religious man yelling at me, dont sin! and I shout back, shut up you fool, I didnt choose to have these desires, and he yells at me again, dont disobey God, making me more mad as I yell back at him saying, then go ask your God, why did he put these desires in me, if they were so bad! The imaginary dialogue continues with the religious man asking me to resist my urges, and I answer him, why do I have to fight myself, I have enough bastards out there to fight, I dont have to bear the burden of fighting with myself as well! During that imaginary dialogue with that virtual priest ( who is nothing but what psychologists call the superego or the conscience as ordinary people call it) I started to notice something that was very evident, but seemed like a great discovery for me at that time. They want me to fight with myself, this way of thinking and life leads to nothing but to you eating yourself alive! It imprisons you behind the bars of guilt, and believe me, guilt is the worst prison ever, worse than the famous Bastille fortress! All they have to do is to implant that idea in your mind, sin, and it imprisons you forever, like a self-sustaining circuit of sin, guilt and atonement! I continued thinking further and talking more with my virtual priest asking him, is it a sin when I make love to my girl, and he answered with confidence, oh yes, of course it is! But if we took permission from the real priest ( the code word for it is marriage!) then it is fine, isnt it, tell me what difference does it make?! I asked him, what if I kill a man? He panicked and said, Oh noo, that is the greatest sin! I smiled at him and said, yes it is, but if I do it in a war, you will call me a hero, not a sinner! why so? because the government ordered me to kill men? He stayed silent and I laughed at him, what a son of a bitch you are! you are more cunning than the external priest! He was terrified and I was euphoric, now you scare me not! now I am the one scaring you, I said. I continued, you know what, you are the one I am going to kill! My conscience looked afraid for a while, then he stopped, and smiled an evil smile at me! A devilish smile indeed! You can’t kill me, he said, I keep you sane! Kill me if you dare and you will get lost in the mazes of insanity! You are too weak to face reality you kid, he said. You need me, to come and cry , get your punishment and get out clean! I torture you with guilt, but I put some make up to cover your ugliness and make you feel better about yourself, you see, I am your friend, and not your enemy, he said smiling a more devilish smile! I felt afraid, and I asked, is it you? is it you the devil? and he laughed out loudly asking me, oh boy, are you afraid now? listen to yourself, you are talking like a priest now! I asked him, who are you? He smiled and said, I have many names, they call me your conscience, pedantic psychologists call me your superego! I asked again, who are you? He looked at me a scary look and said, I am the shepherd! you are the sheep, and I am the shepherd! I am the system that keeps you sane, and keeps the society safe! I imprison you in the cell of guilt for your own benefit, and that external priest is just my reflection, you and your fellow humans invented that priest, you love me so much so you wanted me both inside and outside, he said while laughing at me! I stared at him for a while, then I smiled and said, behind you is my spirit, what if I kill you right now?! He looked a bit afraid, but said after a while, you can’t, you are not ready! I answered him, so cunning you are, but you said the truth this time, I can’t kill you, not yet! I gave him my back walking away, then I turned and looked at him again and said, but believe me, that won’t last forever, I will be killing you very soon! You pretend to be virtuous, while the truth is that you imprison me not only in the cell of guilt, but in the cell of my desires! you are the barrier preventing me from reaching real virtue! Purity of the heart! and the day I kill you will be the day I become virtuous! Bother me so much, and I will kill you right away, bother me not and you may stay a bit longer, but believe me, you will be dead soon, I said, then I left!

The imaginary dialogue is over, and I am asking myself how could you tolerate my madness, if I am tired of it myself! 🙂

A very wise man once said, ” they tell you sex is a sin, I tell you, sex is the seed of prayer! ” Sex is not prayer, but it is the seed..So, how can you have a tree, without implanting its seed in the soil?!
Religions and modern civilisation are very different apparently, but they do share a common concept, even if it is expressed in different ways, they insist on dealing with humans as wild beasts that need to be chained. They never cease asking you to fight your animal nature, your instincts, pretending to honour you as a human by doing so, while they actually insult you by showing despise to an integral part of your existence, and forgetting that your instincts are there for a reason! They make you suffer, by fighting your nature. They tell you, you are a human, and a human is not a beast, while the fact is that a human is ” a beast plus..”! And only when an individual embraces his/her earthy animal nature, he can see that he is much more than a beast, he can see there is much more beyond. Personally, I stick to the journey principle, that everything can be understood in the context of a journey. It is like you have to see beyond your earthy nature, and the only way to do it is to embrace this earthy nature itself! Now it sounds like I differ in the technique, while I share the same target with the priests, but that is not true. Actually, that journey idea, is what you may call “intellectualisation” , like I have a glimpse of something beyond, and my mind uses the intellect to draw a whole picture, but life is not in intellect, life is in experience, a live experience! I believe in enjoying the journey as much as possible, and I believe in being myself, so that if I do feel like a beast, I just go for it, and live like one, then I see what happens! You find something beyond the beast, that is exciting! If not, then you are just harmonious with yourself, you are not in a fight with yourself.
In other words, you are real. Real life may be dangerous, it may lead to loss, but there is nothing that beats the risk of sailing a dark windy ocean, than its beauty! Unfortunately they go side by side, beauty and risk, and the choice is everybody’s to make.
The only sin that counts for me, is harming another, just dont harm another, and dont intentionally harm yourself. I believe this is the only logic and virtuous rule for the journey.

The same wise man told a very symbolic story, that I would end this discussion with. A young man who was obsessed with life, death, and wisdom heard of a very wise man living in a cottage over a mountain in distant lands, so he decided to travel to him, to learn from him, and after a long tiring journey he reached the cottage. He entered and told the wise man, I have heard about you, and I came here for you to teach me wisdom. The old wise man looked at him and said, ok, but sit down until P prepare some tea for you first. The wise man brought the tea pot and the cups and sat down beside the young man, and started pouring tea in the young man’s cup, he kept pouring and the cup was completely filled, but he kept pouring and the hot tea started to fall down from the cup creating a mess. The young man yelled at him and said, hey, are you mad?! The cup is full already and you are still pouring! The wise man put down the pot and smiled at him saying, yes, the cup is already full, how can I fill it with something else, there is no room for anything else. Like that cup you are full of many desires and things, how can I pour wisdom inside you?! Go empty the cup first, then come back!

I don’t know what do you think about that story, but I do like it very much, and hmmm, personally, I am working on emptying my own cup! 🙂
I do hate giving advice as I said earlier, but if you want one, I will say, enjoy emptying your own cup, and if it never becomes empty, who cares! Just enjoy your life 🙂

Her Wild Stallion

Venus in Furs

Posted in Femdom Literature with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2012 by thecountessshadow

I have talked before in previous posts about my early days, my late childhood when I started to experience fantasies and day dreams related to Femdom, and how it took me years to understand and learn more about my nature and desires, and how it took me more years to realize that I was not the only person in the world who felt that way. At that period of my life, I have read a lot and searched for books that could help me understand myself, and that was when I knew about that book ” Venus In Furs “, and that same book is what this post is all about 🙂

It was 1999, and the internet was still something new in Egypt, and for an “anti-technology” person like me ( yes I am the sort of person who prefers a paper and a pen , a traditional letter, to an electronic mail, even though the latter is faster, easier, and more practical! I am that kind of a fool! ). Anyway, it was hard for me at that time to find that book online, and I wanted badly to read it, and I will explain later why. So, I went to the book store I dealed with, and that was a very funny situation! I still remember my red face and how sweaty I was even before I enter the store, like everybody out there in the street knew about the book I was seeking, knew about my secret, like people in the street were looking at me and laughing inside, thinking here is the weird boy! 🙂 I was a sort of paranoid, that is true, but it became worse when I entered the store and was not sure, in which section should I search, so I started looking in the psychology section, then in the foreign novels section, but I found nothing. I still remember
the hard time I had to escape the talkative book seller who insisted on helping me in my search, but of course I didn’t tell him :), the plan was to find the book alone, then buy another couple of psychology books to give the impression that I am doing some sort of psychology research or something! I know that this silly book shop story has nothing to do with the book I said I will be talking about, and moreover, this behaviour of mine may look extremely weird and stupid for many of you who aren’t Egyptians, but I do tell this story because for me, it became a part of the novel! The events and situations surrounding things become somehow part of the aura of these things, like the thing and the situation surrounding it become linked to each other in our minds, and affect our own perception of that thing, so you remember one of them to find yourself spontaneously remembering the other! So telling that story is a necessity to talk about the book from my own perspective,, and for the non-Egyptians who find my behaviour ( hiding my interest in the book ) weird, take my word on this, if you have ever lived in a society where you would be judged according to your different
thoughts and feelings rather than who you are and what you do, a society which believes that hiding the disturbing facts is a virtue, and ignoring your urges and reality to pretend you are the man/woman of morals is a bless! If you ever lived in such a society, only then you would understand my paranoid behaviour, but anyway, that is another story 🙂

Now, I will explain why did I want to read that novel so badly..Of course most lifestylers know that our interests are considered a mental illness in psychiatry, Sadism & Masochism, which in turn fall under a broader category called Paraphilia, which is a greek word that means ” beside friendship ” and implies sexual behaviour that is atypical, and sexual arousal to situations or objects that are not part of the normal typical stimuli..When I first knew about the word masochism I looked for the origin of the word, and for my astonishment, I found it was a name, an author’s name! Leopold von Sacher-Masoch..I read about him, I knew he was an Austrian author who wrote a novel called “Venus in Furs”, describing the Femdom lifestyle, discussing that desire from different views, especially a psychological one, and describing the underlying conflict and the contradictory impulses that come with this sort of relationships.
I remember the first idea which came to my mind at that time, how brave you are Leopold! That is exactly what I thought at that moment and I wanted very much to read that novel, written by that man, after whom my nature is named! It was like something deeply related to me, and not just a novel, but apart of that, there was a huge erotic energy surrounding that novel building up inside me! Of course, at that time, I had read a lot of erotic literature, but that one was different, very different. That one was a novel, sold in book stores for everybody to read, and not like the cheap porn stories that don’t qualify to be even called literature! That one was real unlike the fake porn people hide to read in their dark rooms for only one purpose, to jerk off! Thinking about that, I started to think about the erotic energy surrounding special things, asking myself what makes some simple things more erotic and appealing than other things which have a more open and frank erotic nature? That reminded me of the old saying, that a half covered woman is more appealing than a totally naked one! The partial cover fuels the imagination and creates more erotic energy! Well, that would be one reason, but for me it was not enough to explain the erotic energy beyond that novel, and the reason that made it more appealing to me than the frank open porn stories! Now, I think I understand the reason for that, it is simply because it is real, in the open air!
It is very much like this, like I meet a Domme Lady in a Femdom chatting room, and we start getting acquainted, and we start learning more about each other in different aspects, it is nice, but we start from that given, we are both into the same alternative lifestyle.
Now, imagine with me, I meet a lady, a work colleague for example, may be some lady in a library or a book store, we get closer, develop friendship, then it happens we discover we are both into the same lifestyle, a weird coincidence, but it would feel so different, and certainly much more erotic, like a huge erotic energy suddenly exploded like a nuclear bomb! I understand this example might sound vague, and not clearly related to the novel thing, but in my mind they sound so similar, because even if the porn novel is very well written, you still know it was written for a single purpose, to excite you sexually, to be erotic, which actually makes it less erotic! unlike the regular novel, that was written by some man to express himself and discuss his own feelings, it feels more erotic even though it is somehow subtle, or at least not openly erotic.

As I mentioned above, I didnt find that novel in the book store that day, so I decided to start a more serious online search for it.
It took me some time to find a free electronic copy of the novel to read (I didn’t have a credit card to purchase one!), and I read it at that time, but actually I was more interested in the Austrian author of the novel than the novel itself, and it is ironic that after the hard search, I read the novel quickly without the expected attention that matches the effort I put to find it, as if it was a treasure I wanted to find and own, even if I didn’t intend to use immediately, which sounds very stupid for me now, and I believe you do feel the same 🙂

Today, for some reason, I remembered that novel and I decided to read it again a thorough reading this time, and I thought it would be nice to share it with you, but I couldn’t just share the link, I had to give you some of my own crap at first! 🙂

It is very easy to find many links for the novel if you just search for “Venus in Furs” in any search engine, but here you will find one I found..If you are into Femdom lifestyle, I believe it is very important for you to read the novel written by that Austrian author after whom our desires are named! And even if you are not into Femdom, this novel is discussing a very special part of human sexuality and reading it would help you understand more about it,,and for lifestylers, apart of the benefit, reading it will also be fun ;).
So now, enough of this, I will just give you the link 🙂
Ladies and gentlemen, here is ” Venus in Furs ” by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, and of course I don’t claim any copyright of that link ( I don’t want to go to prison or something 🙂 )

Her Wild Stallion