Not about Ishtar, just about me!!

One of the special things about music is its unique ability to awaken buried memories or emotions, feelings we pretend that they are dead, but actually they are down there deeply buried, waiting for the right moment to wake up!

This is a french song I love ( though I don’t know french!). It tells the story of a little girl that was taken to concentration camps during world war 2.  It is a very beautiful and touching song, but  actually the first thing that caught my attention to listen to the song a very long time ago was as usual, a very weird thing! It was the word “Ishtar”! I did not know whether it was the name of a place where the song was sung, or the name of a singer, but it did not matter to me because the word had a great deal of energy that added to the beauty of the music. For those who are not familiar with the word, Ishtar is a Babylonian Goddess. She was the successor of the Sumerian Goddess Innana, and believed by many to be the origin and the root of the Greek and Roman Goddesses Venus and Aphrodite. Ishtar was thought to be the personification of the planet Venus by Her ancient worshipers, the planet that appeared to them by sunrise and sunset and captured their minds, so they created 2 personas for Her, a morning persona that was worshiped as the Goddess of war, and a night persona was worshiped as the Goddess of love, sex and fertility.  So appealing was Ishtar just like Her myth. So contradictory and holistic She was, symbolizing extreme beauty, fertility, cruelty, compassion, and power. ( I guess you can easily understand what did catch my attention!)  Anyway, I don’t want to talk about gods of ancient cultures now. I will certainly write about Ishtar one day, as I would enjoy it very much, but not tonight, so let’s just say, I was addicted to that song for a while then I forgot about it.

Today, I came by that song in youtube by a mere coincidence, and I listened to it  to find it awakening very unexpected memories and emotions, ones that are somehow recent and are not related in any way or form to that song. I spent a while trying to understand the link between the memories and the song to find nothing, until I realized that may be I am looking in the wrong direction.  I wondered if all the passion and longing that suddenly exploded inside me were for Ishtar?! actually I mean for what Ishtar symbolizes inside me?  Actually I stopped myself from thinking any further, as sometimes we ask the question, but we don’t really want to know the answer for it, may be we even want to run away from the answer, but I find myself asking again, is it Ishtar that I really miss?!

Why do people ask questions that they don’t want to hear their answer?? May be we just give ourselves the delight of asking, or possibly the question makes us feel closer (even if it is a delusion) to what we love but can not pursue! As if by asking repeatedly, we are digging to keep the meaning deep inside, so if we can not speak it up, we make sure it stays inside forever.

I am trying to find any meaning for this post to make it worth posting! To fake any artificial discussion about anything within it as who cares to read a post in which I am just talking about myself! But actually I can not do it, I am just talking about myself, I wanted to talk, I needed to say what I have said.


One Response to “Not about Ishtar, just about me!!”

  1. Countess, I just found, and am enjoying exploring, your wondrous and thought provoking blog. This post reminded me of what Rilke said about questions; ““Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”
    ― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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