Archive for May, 2013

Magic of the sixties!

Posted in Music with tags , , , on May 9, 2013 by thecountessshadow

I don’t know how come I never knew about that lovely singer before! It is not me who discovered her, it was My Love who found her and told me about her 😀 ( She always has lovely surprises for me 😉 )

The light music, the lovely voice, the simple words, the magic of the sixties if you know what I am talking about 🙂

She is Evie Sands, and this song is called “Shadow of the evening”.

I am sure you will like it.

Her wild stallion

Ghosts…of the past!!!

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , , on May 5, 2013 by thecountessshadow

ghosts of the past
Living in the past is the worst jail one can ask for. A psychotherapist will give you a deep look and act like a genius who is just about to tell you the word that will change your life forever, he looks you straight in the eyes and tells you, don’t live in the past, be here and now, there is no …. and he will be pissed off if you were a silly kid the way I was 10 years ago (may be a little more but I am not admitting that I am getting older 😀 ) and completed the sentence for him saying, there is no past and no future, just here and now and nothing else! I was even sillier (it is sort of embarrassing to me now when I remember it) to say, wow, isn’t that Sartre’s existential philosophy! That therapist was a little bit older than myself now, and that is why he was bothered by my silliness and subtle aggression instead of finding a way to understand the mad boy I was :).
I don’t know why I mentioned him here, but may be because that man never knew that I respected him though I never expressed it, my rebellion was a way of telling him that he was not answering my questions, that he was not showing me the way, but after more than a decade, I can say that though he was not as wise as I needed him to be, he was keen and devoted and his support has helped me a lot but I realized it later.

Now, regarding the past, I believe it is not like it seems to be, just some good or bad memories, and by the way, good memories can be as bad as negative memories if you get locked inside them! The past is not always a past, may be it has passed and rationally speaking, you can say it is gone, but though this sounds logic, it is not, as it deals with a human as if he/she is just a mind while we are far more complex than this. The past is present in the sense that it affects your choices, it affects the way you judge things, and the way you react to things, simply because it did share in forming the person you are right now. When the past is harsh, it sometimes feels like you are surrounded by ghosts, ghosts from that past trying to potentiate their presence by pushing you to repeat the same sequence once again, making your future persona the exact same as your present one, and thus making your life a mere repetition which a psychologist may call sickness, but I will simply call it boring! very very boring indeed! I don’t know if you got bored yet, or still can take more of my crap, but I hope the latter! 🙂

So, I totally agree with that advice “be here and now “, but I just don’t think that saying it would make it happen even if you strongly believe in it.
That state is the door, but the door is locked, and we need a key! That key I was offending my psychotherapist to give to me, but he never did! I don’t think that the key is one universal key that will work with everyone and may be that is why my old friend couldn’t find it for me, I had to find it myself, and so do you :), but sharing our experiences is always helpful even if my key is not yours, but we can help each other to find each one’s unique key. So again, even if we have different keys to our psychological doors, we do share the exact same first reaction, to escape the ghosts of the past, to run away from them like they are going to disappear, but if you are a fan of horror movies like myself, you must know that nobody can escape the ghost! 🙂
You need an exorcist, and the exorcist here is not a priest, it is free choice! Yes it is that simple, free choice is the key! I can imagine a lot of you are disappointed now thinking that I am a fool exactly like I thought of my psychotherapist (I can sympathise with him now :D), maybe it is true that I am a fool offering nothing to you, but for myself, it seemed like a magic key. It is more like a feeling than an idea, and it comes when you throw away the solid ideologies, traditions, or whatever you were made to think that was right, it comes with rebellion and throwing away the pre-conceived choices you were taught. I don’t know if my point is clear, but I am just trying to report my own experience hoping that you may give me the pleasure of capturing the subtle meaning I am pointing at.

So back to the free choice concept, I will rephrase something I said above to make it more accurate. It is not the past that made you the person you are now it is your own choices in the past that controlled your previous actions, and thus made you the person you are now. It seems the same, as how can you change your choices for now to be the person you want to be?! And that is the whole point of the “here & now” quote. You have to stop wishing to be someone, and start doing what you want to do right now however mad, bizarre or unusual it might be, and irrespective of where it is going to take you, a better place, a heaven, may be! A scary hell, it is still possible! But that is the only way I found myself. The ghosts of the past are very powerful as long as you are wishing for something, as long as you are trying to achieve, but the moment you stop trying to be (whatever you wish for!), and just execute whatever you feel, is the moment you start to be! To be here and now! It is like everything in life, after a lot of experiences and thinking, you realize that the answer was simple and there all the time, but you never noticed, as simple as your grandma’s advice, follow your instincts and just be yourself, or may be as simple as my old therapist who said be here and now, but I was just not ready. If I can find him again, I will give him a tip, his advice was fair enough, but he needed to add something to it, he needed to tell me that he was unable to give me the key, that I needed to find a way all by myself to be here and now, and that is why grandma’s advice sounded more beautiful and simple.

You know that I am fond of philosophising everything so let me say this last part. It is like the ghosts are the ones who are locked not us, just if we look at it the right way! We have our earthy bodies with all our desires and our heavenly souls with all of their pureness and beauty, and these are our scared areas, the sacred land and heaven where the ghosts cannot thrive! They can only live in between both areas, in the grey zone of our minds, our psyche, and all we need to do, is to leave the haunted territory to live and operate from a different area, a real one, a body you can touch and smell, and a spirit that can fly, but again does that make any sense? Or am I still residing and writing to you from the haunted house?! 🙂 It is very hard to tell, but at least we are talking and having fun! (or so I think!)




Her Wild Stallion