Archive for June, 2014

Te Necesito

Posted in Music with tags , , on June 29, 2014 by thecountessshadow


I love the music..

I love the black and white..

I love her voice..

and I love her bare feet!



Her Wild Stallion

Short conversation (with my silly friend)

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , on June 29, 2014 by thecountessshadow


Friend: I love your writings, but I find the S&M material you post very offensive! Why don’t you keep your blog clean and thoughtful and keep your sexual fantasies for yourself?!

Myself: I am afraid that is impossible! You have to tolerate my deviant nature if you want to enjoy whatever writings you like!

Friend: This is bullshit!

Myself: May be it is, just deal with it!


Her Wild Stallion

Black and White

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , , , , on June 29, 2014 by thecountessshadow



I am a fan of the “black and white” world! black and white cinema, black and white photos, black and white thoughts, black and white anything! Black and white world is heavily loaded, very symbolic. For the cinema, it is the nostalgia for what is old, the sweetly weird sensation that crawls into one’s nerves when the ancient/old shows up, may be it is that life sucks and we enjoy the delusion that old times were better and more relaxing, may be it is just some sort of longing for the origin in a simple way, who knows what it is?! For the photos it is elegance! I think that most people I met felt the same, black and white photos are elegance, coloured ones are joy, which may point at something interesting which is that elegance and joy do not go together, but that is another story. But if elegance is the underlying reason that most people (or at least myself) find black and white photos interesting, attractiveness is the reason making black and white thoughts so invading! Radical ideas are so appealing and so scary, and being so appealing makes them more scary, and the scarier they become, the more appealing they get! Like Adam’s apple, you want to pick it up, but you are afraid, like sex, everybody wants it, but everybody is conditioned to think of it as a sin and that makes it an obsession!

I was thinking about how much I admire Che Guevara, how much his life inspires me, then I asked myself whether I would choose Che Guevara as a president in democratic elections if that was an option? I was astonished to find that the answer was NO, and I was far more astonished to find that it did not take a lot of time to reach that answer! I would love Guevara, I would follow him, cry over his dead body (if I ever had the chance), but I would choose a compromising liar, a cunning politician to rule! I think the reason for this is very obvious as a charming radical revolutionary would be a dictator once in power, a very wild one indeed, while a cunning politician will remain the way he is, just a cunning disgusting creature, and though I disrespect him, he won’t bother me beyond inducing a desire to vomit which is a thing I can deal with!

As the radical thinker I am (sometimes) I find it troublesome that a figure of mine is not absolutely perfect. I love perfection, and I seek it in my figures (just like a teenager though I am not anymore!), but I can not bend the facts to create a pseudoperfect image. I think that is why the black and white world interests me, it is like it only shows the prominent things, and leave the other details so pale to even be noticed, it creates an inspiring world, but a dreamy one, an unreal one, like a verse of poetry that ignites your mind with one thousand thoughts, but it is just a spark that may cause a fire anywhere and lead you in any direction (of your choice). Radicalism is so appealing like nature, like a cottage over a hill, or sitting around fire in a cave, so lovely to think of or try once in a safari trip, but so tiring to live constantly. The problem with Guevara is not that he is imperfect, it is simply that he is not designed to live in a presidential palace and rule, he is meant for living in the wild and fighting for justice, and that is the role nature chose for him (or may be the role he chose for himself), just like a tiger living in the wild, so graceful as it races the wind, but how well would it do if it is forced to rule over other animals and eat one of them whenever it feels hungry?! I understand the example is so defective, but I hope it is clear enough to convey the meaning I wanted to say.

In nature, a tiger has its life and its role with no responsibilities other than survival, and so is the deer, a rabbit and every other species, except for our species, the most complex one! Our human species was blessed with the mind, but the bless was the very curse itself, it blessed humans with the ability to create a civilization and change nature but created an urge to keep looking for a meaning for their life beyond mere survival. Humans are the only species whose members spend most of their lives doing things that are not related to their survival, they spend more time inventing tableware and table manners than the time they spend in securing the food itself! Their search for a meaning led them to many great things, like morality and manners for example, but at the same time, created a wild constant struggle inside them, a struggle between the mind and the flesh, survival and morality, natural radicalism and civilized compromise, a struggle between what they are and what they can learn to be. It is the mind,the learning tool that made a human being able to change the fate imprinted on his genes, and become confused. Imagine a deer that joined the military and got trained to kill and suddenly found itself playing the role of a wild lioness, how would it deal with the situation, what sort of struggle would it feel when it changed the nature loaded on its genes?! Then is it that humans have distorted their nature with the mind, it may seem so, but if you look closer you would find that the mind is the most important tool nature has provided the human species with, and as any other species they used what they got so how can they get blamed for it? If you go with this flow of thoughts you may reach a conclusion that this struggle is exactly what was meant for humans by nature, as if it causes some sort of individual suffering but leads to a better collective result for the whole species from a survival point of view. If you ask me what does this have to do with the “black and white” thing, I will go back to our military deer! Imagine that deer watching a black and white photo of a free deer racing the wind in the wild, and try to find out how would it feel? Personally I believe graceful silence would be that deer’s reaction when it watches that photo, an elegant and relaxing photo for it, I think it will keep looking at it and its mind will dive deeply to the origin creating a blank look in its eyes (for an outsider), then it comes back to real life, puts the photo away and gets back to its new life.

I do not know what you are thinking about this discussion, but for me it is a major problem (I am a fan of problem solving that I may invent problems out of nothing to solve them!) and I deal with it in the way I invented for myself to relieve that struggle and I am sure each of you has his own way for that. I believe humans are meant to act like a pendulum, constantly moving between radicalism and compromise, naturalism and civilization, “black and white” and colors! In other words, we have no way but to think/feel radical, and to live with compromise! You can be very radical in your thoughts and feelings, it is the only natural thing, but you have to be rational enough to know that the other, is another black and white radical phenomenon that you have to accept to allow a colored joyful image to be drawn. You do not have to fight your nature to reach a compromise with the others’ thoughts or feelings to partially accept them, but all you have to do is to accept their presence, and accept your totally different sort of presence, and only by allowing different shades of black and white to exist together, a joyful colored image can come to life. So let’s say, I love to be a black and white thinker, but I enjoy living in colors, what about yourself?!


Her Wild Stallion

Personal Cinema

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2014 by thecountessshadow


I love to read, it is one of my passions, the word is very accurate as I really love the act of “reading” rather than the content itself, I noticed that lately. It is true I do have my own preferences in what I read like everybody else, but I feel as if I am more flexible in those preferences more than others (I know), and that is not because I am more cultured and well read than others, not at all, but it is because I enjoy the reading ritual itself! Yes, For me it is a ritual, with special preparations. When I feel like reading I start setting the stage, making myself some coffee, turning on music, putting my ashtray beside me, and some other details that are irrelevant. I understand that those details may appear normal and irrelevant themselves, and everyone must have his own habits and ways of doing things, reading or anything else, but I have a feeling that for me it is a bit different, as if it is some sort of fetish! I conducted a simple experiment on myself by choosing a poetry book I love and just sitting down to read it, and I found myself feeling differently about it, yes I still enjoyed the book, but the joy was much less than what I used to feel with the optimal conditions for my reading ritual! I started turning on some music and I felt better, then I changed the place to my preferred corner in the house and I felt far more better. It may seem a meaningless issue but it caught my attention, and I started thinking about my preferences in arts.

I used to believe that music was my favourite art followed by literature, but I started suspecting that, as I enjoy the reading material with special effects, sound effects, olfactory effects! and many other things which is more like the cinema! I thought about it for a while, yes I do love the cinema and the movies, but I can not say it is my preferred art, I even have always been a TV hater and used to feel it a stupid device! I started to think more about it and I believe it is as simple as this, I prefer the cinema, but my own created movie, where I am the director who blends the music, the written material, and everything else in a way that interests my mind. I remembered when I was a teenager and I composed some silly poems, I always insisted on reading them for my audience myself, sometimes even with the music that inspired me the verses! Yes I know I was a silly boy, but that is not the point now, the point is that I tried to transfer my own personal movie with all its effects! I noticed that I tend to do the same in this blog, I usually listen to some music that inspires me to write something, and I post the music with my thoughts below it, some other times, it is not music, it is a painting or even a quotation, but there is always something that inspires me. I thought that I write in this way because I am not talented enough to create a separate work of my own, as I have always thought of myself as having a lot of emotions without a strong enough talent to express them, and though this may be true indeed, it is not the prominent reason beyond that attitude of mine. It seems like my thoughts are an extension of that original piece of art, as if I am directing a movie of my own, adding my personal touch, and what I write or think of is meaningless without that inspiring core! It is like being a day dreamer in my own special way, creating worlds of my own from the given materials, sometimes I am just a watcher of these worlds and sometimes I enjoy getting involved myself. I do a very mad thing, taking those dreamy worlds of mine into my real life, creating an extension of the melodies or the characters or whatever according to the sort of art in the real world. I understand that that last part may seem a little vague if you are not my same type of a day living dreamer if there is anything like this, but explaining it would need a whole post, so lets just leave it here and go on. It is fantastic how many different feelings and visions I can have with reading the same poem at different times of the day, or with a different background of music, while drinking an evening coffee or a morning tea! It is like a magic puzzle that makes sense no matter how you connect it, and the more charming is that it is not about books or music, it is the fantastic design of life with endless possibilities. Life is the magical puzzle where there is no right or wrong pieces, the magical puzzle where all pieces can somehow relate to each other to draw the final painting of your choice, then you can take that piece away, and add that other one changing a detail here and there, with every subtle move creating a new road, making you fresh every single day! You may be young or old, depressed or happy, but fresh all the time, dynamic all the time like a sea wave that hits the land, then dive back to the depth of the sea..

Sometimes it feels like creativity is synonymous to flexibility, yes of course I understand they are very different, but to my mind at this moment they just sound the same! As if there is no demarcating line between what is inside and outside, like there is no difference between your friend X at work, and your friend Y between the covers of your book, and it feels like it is just a dance that all you can do is to join, adding your touch to it, and it becomes your own personal movie, or may be you put your touch to the big collective movie we are all creating, each coming with his personal film blending it with the big one, that is ever-changing, and it is just like that all you have to do is to recognize that secret (I am fond of secrets even if there are none!), that you simply create what you live like a god, live what you create like a man, and every moment there is a fresh chance to create/live something else. That secret gives a lot of joy that overwhelms me to an extent that takes me to the edge of madness to say that the ultimate creativity may be to do nothing and just join the dance, but again I feel like adding my touch to the dance by doing something, anything, many things may be, or again nothing! May be this is my own style of dancing, but it takes my breath away when my mind creates this new image of me standing over the summit of a hill looking from above at the collective dance, watching myself down in the crowds doing my part, it feels so graceful.
Unlike many people think, it is so beautiful to feel like a drop in the vast sea of people and life, but only when the drop recognizes how unique it is in its oneness, how important it is for the final image, it starts to appreciate the beauty of the collective group movie, or hmm, dance feels lovelier!
So now, the interesting thing, or may be the silly one, is that Shakira’s song “Quiero” was in the background playing as I wrote this post. If you ask me what is the relationship between that song and my words, my answer is I have no idea, but my union with Shakira has brought this post to life, the only difference is that unlike me, her talent is unbelievable and irresistible! At least, after suffering with my post, here is your treat, this beautiful song :).




Her Wild Stallion

Redemption Song..Bob Marley

Posted in Music with tags , , on June 25, 2014 by thecountessshadow

The wild dance!

Posted in Music with tags , , , , on June 19, 2014 by thecountessshadow


She: It is like a music of the body, calling for the body to dance and let its secrets out. I will dance and you will be disbelieving that

you are witnessing this magnificent dance.


He:  The darkness, the flaming orange red dim light, like fire, the music, this sort of music induces a very primitive desire inside me

it makes it glow, a desire you know!


Her Wild Stallion