Personal Cinema


I love to read, it is one of my passions, the word is very accurate as I really love the act of “reading” rather than the content itself, I noticed that lately. It is true I do have my own preferences in what I read like everybody else, but I feel as if I am more flexible in those preferences more than others (I know), and that is not because I am more cultured and well read than others, not at all, but it is because I enjoy the reading ritual itself! Yes, For me it is a ritual, with special preparations. When I feel like reading I start setting the stage, making myself some coffee, turning on music, putting my ashtray beside me, and some other details that are irrelevant. I understand that those details may appear normal and irrelevant themselves, and everyone must have his own habits and ways of doing things, reading or anything else, but I have a feeling that for me it is a bit different, as if it is some sort of fetish! I conducted a simple experiment on myself by choosing a poetry book I love and just sitting down to read it, and I found myself feeling differently about it, yes I still enjoyed the book, but the joy was much less than what I used to feel with the optimal conditions for my reading ritual! I started turning on some music and I felt better, then I changed the place to my preferred corner in the house and I felt far more better. It may seem a meaningless issue but it caught my attention, and I started thinking about my preferences in arts.

I used to believe that music was my favourite art followed by literature, but I started suspecting that, as I enjoy the reading material with special effects, sound effects, olfactory effects! and many other things which is more like the cinema! I thought about it for a while, yes I do love the cinema and the movies, but I can not say it is my preferred art, I even have always been a TV hater and used to feel it a stupid device! I started to think more about it and I believe it is as simple as this, I prefer the cinema, but my own created movie, where I am the director who blends the music, the written material, and everything else in a way that interests my mind. I remembered when I was a teenager and I composed some silly poems, I always insisted on reading them for my audience myself, sometimes even with the music that inspired me the verses! Yes I know I was a silly boy, but that is not the point now, the point is that I tried to transfer my own personal movie with all its effects! I noticed that I tend to do the same in this blog, I usually listen to some music that inspires me to write something, and I post the music with my thoughts below it, some other times, it is not music, it is a painting or even a quotation, but there is always something that inspires me. I thought that I write in this way because I am not talented enough to create a separate work of my own, as I have always thought of myself as having a lot of emotions without a strong enough talent to express them, and though this may be true indeed, it is not the prominent reason beyond that attitude of mine. It seems like my thoughts are an extension of that original piece of art, as if I am directing a movie of my own, adding my personal touch, and what I write or think of is meaningless without that inspiring core! It is like being a day dreamer in my own special way, creating worlds of my own from the given materials, sometimes I am just a watcher of these worlds and sometimes I enjoy getting involved myself. I do a very mad thing, taking those dreamy worlds of mine into my real life, creating an extension of the melodies or the characters or whatever according to the sort of art in the real world. I understand that that last part may seem a little vague if you are not my same type of a day living dreamer if there is anything like this, but explaining it would need a whole post, so lets just leave it here and go on. It is fantastic how many different feelings and visions I can have with reading the same poem at different times of the day, or with a different background of music, while drinking an evening coffee or a morning tea! It is like a magic puzzle that makes sense no matter how you connect it, and the more charming is that it is not about books or music, it is the fantastic design of life with endless possibilities. Life is the magical puzzle where there is no right or wrong pieces, the magical puzzle where all pieces can somehow relate to each other to draw the final painting of your choice, then you can take that piece away, and add that other one changing a detail here and there, with every subtle move creating a new road, making you fresh every single day! You may be young or old, depressed or happy, but fresh all the time, dynamic all the time like a sea wave that hits the land, then dive back to the depth of the sea..

Sometimes it feels like creativity is synonymous to flexibility, yes of course I understand they are very different, but to my mind at this moment they just sound the same! As if there is no demarcating line between what is inside and outside, like there is no difference between your friend X at work, and your friend Y between the covers of your book, and it feels like it is just a dance that all you can do is to join, adding your touch to it, and it becomes your own personal movie, or may be you put your touch to the big collective movie we are all creating, each coming with his personal film blending it with the big one, that is ever-changing, and it is just like that all you have to do is to recognize that secret (I am fond of secrets even if there are none!), that you simply create what you live like a god, live what you create like a man, and every moment there is a fresh chance to create/live something else. That secret gives a lot of joy that overwhelms me to an extent that takes me to the edge of madness to say that the ultimate creativity may be to do nothing and just join the dance, but again I feel like adding my touch to the dance by doing something, anything, many things may be, or again nothing! May be this is my own style of dancing, but it takes my breath away when my mind creates this new image of me standing over the summit of a hill looking from above at the collective dance, watching myself down in the crowds doing my part, it feels so graceful.
Unlike many people think, it is so beautiful to feel like a drop in the vast sea of people and life, but only when the drop recognizes how unique it is in its oneness, how important it is for the final image, it starts to appreciate the beauty of the collective group movie, or hmm, dance feels lovelier!
So now, the interesting thing, or may be the silly one, is that Shakira’s song “Quiero” was in the background playing as I wrote this post. If you ask me what is the relationship between that song and my words, my answer is I have no idea, but my union with Shakira has brought this post to life, the only difference is that unlike me, her talent is unbelievable and irresistible! At least, after suffering with my post, here is your treat, this beautiful song :).




Her Wild Stallion

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