Archive for female domination

Porn…or Not?

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , , , , , on February 3, 2013 by thecountessshadow


This is our third poll, and unlike the other polls, this one does not address a general issue which is important to everybody. This one addresses an issue that concerns us, which is how do people perceive us, how do they perceive our blog?
The blogging experience is so far one of the greatest and most pleasant experiences for us. It brought us in contact with new areas in ourselves that we never recognised before, as well as many nice bloggers who appreciate arts, literature, philosophy and open-mindedness. But even though the experience has been a nice one in general, we have came across few unpleasant incidents during the short course of our blogging journey that made us stop and ask how do people perceive us? Do people think of our webpage as a pornography page?! That might sound like a stupid question for you, but we do really care to know about it, we want to know where are we standing, and though we are seeking your views about the issue, we would also like to speak up our minds regarding this.

When we decided to create this blog, we have done it mainly to celebrate our relationship and share it with like minded people, and to share a common passion for both of us which is writing and reading. We wanted to have no taboos and to discuss everything honestly and frankly, but by no means we thought of our blog as a pornographic webpage! We wanted to discuss psychology, literature, music, sexuality, theology, art, and many many different things that interest us. It is true that we post some sexually oriented artwork, but we do it to capture the symbol within the artwork, to show the meanings and the feelings within the paintings, not to show some woman’s naked thighs or boobs! That was never our intention, and that is why we restrict ourselves to artwork and cartoon and never do we post sexually oriented pictures of real people. Breaking taboos and raising awareness is our intention, not offering sexually arousing material. There is beauty in nature, human body and human emotions, and these are the things we embrace and always try to share.

We are aware that Femdom lifestyle is perceived by most people as a twisted, bizzare and deviant lifestyle. This idea is fed with a lot of weird ill-mannered people who present themselves as dommes or subs and they are just some superficial horny boys, or jobless girls posing in latex and asking for money! This sort of people feed the public belief that people into Femdom are just a group of weirdos, which is very untrue! There are a lot of normal, and nice people who have respect for themselves and for others who are into this lifestyle, they may be your friends, relatives, colleagues, or your university professors. It is just a matter of taste, and what we tried to do here, is to change that false idea and present the real face of our passion, which may be different than what is usual, but it just lies within the wide spectrum of human sexuality and emotional make up, and we intend to go on with doing the same, discussing the lifestyle, and our other passions and interests that have nothing to do with the lifestyle, because as we said in one of our old posts, we are humans with many interests and contradictory impulses, and in our page we decided to celebrate and embrace the contradictory but yet harmonious human nature, the human who gets aroused with touch, dances to a cheerful melody, and shed tears for a touching monk’s hymn, the same human, the same person. It is the human nature, beauty and love that we cherish.

So for now I guess you are getting bored with my self-praising speech! ūüėÄ so let’s move to the poll, and we will really appreciate if you answer that poll honestly as your opinion really matters for us. You can choose more than one choice, or add your own answer if you don’t find it mentioned in the list.

Her Wild Stallion

The Goddess Worship

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2013 by thecountessshadow


Venus 1

Look carefully!

Venus 2


Venus 3

These don’t just induce sexual arousal! ( as they do certainly induce a great deal of sexual arousal!) The meaning within them goes far beyond the limit of the body into the endless horizons of the mind! into the infinite world of the spirit!

The meaning within! crawling into my soul, defeating my defences, and getting a limitless access to the very core of my being.

Most people tend to describe themselves and their emotions within the limits of the usual, the normal, in the way the world used to describe such emotions or actions, be them extreme, or casual, weird or normal, it doesn’t¬†matter, even with the weirdest thing, people tend to define themselves within the norms of the weird! It is like they learn about themselves in a comparative way, comparing themselves to the other, to the world, and thus finding a spot for themselves on the universal scale! It seems to be the perfect way that goes with the logic and the scientific¬†method, it even seems to be a civilised and modern way, to go beyond what is local, and see things in a more broad universal basis. This is true, but actually, that would be the perfect way to learn about the solid facts, the temperature and the modes of heat transfer! the law of gravity may be! to experiment, analyse and compare, is a real perfect way for gaining knowledge, but when it comes to one’s own being and himself in relation to the absolute, it is never about knowledge, it is about knowing, it’s never about experimenting, it’s about experiencing, it is never about analysing, it is about insight! At least, that is what I believe in, and unlike most people ( I met ), I don’t tend to define myself within the limits of the normal. I start the journey from inside out! looking into myself and understanding the world through my own self! This sounds more logic and more importantly, it sounds like the natural order of things, to use my very local items to experience and later describe a very universal thing. I understand that what I just wrote might sound vague, probably misfitting in here at the very least, but I do disagree because of some reasons I will be discussing now.
The private vs the public question, the local versus the universal and the bridge connecting them question, have always been a major concern of mine. My own vision of the whole art thing as a magic key to open the closed doors of the mind and the soul, taking you into new territories that you never imagined there, like you are discovering yourself over and over again. For these reasons when I looked at the pencil drawings of that genius artist who I don’t¬†know his name ( but honoured to share his drawings and paying my respects to) I found myself drowning in the world he created in them, lost in the meanings within the pulsating heart of these drawings. The artist was the lightning¬†spark that set fire in the forests of my mind! Stormy feelings hit me, ideas keep flowing quietly like a lovely brook at times, madly like the ocean waves other times! Questions come and go away, I get indulged in many dialogues with myself, and what I am doing here is letting my questions and my inner dialogues outside. Hmm, like a mirror system it feels, the drawings were like a mirror reflecting my thoughts, my thoughts were another mirror reflecting the secrets of the earth, those hiding within the corners of the streets in Paris, and inside the far monk’s cottage over the Tibet Hills! Those secrets praying in the mosques, temples, churches, and dancing in the night clubs of Amsterdam! Those secrets flying with the wind over the deserts, and travelling with the waves of the oceans! The human soul, like the purest lake which reflects the whole truth, it just needs to be quiet enough and its surface is the perfect mirror, but how does it calm down is actually a matter of individual variability. For me, it is the Goddess Feet, the sacred Feminine is what calms my own lake!!!

So strong his body is, his muscles look like the mountains rocks, so fragile her body is like a flower, like the summer grass!
So weak¬†he is in his strength, so strong she is in her weakness! The mountain is bending, kneeling down before the Rose! The sacred beauty is shining, and out of her fragile existence, an infinite power radiates everywhere cracking the rocks of the mountain, and bringing him down in her divine presence! Kneeling down worshipping the beauty that resides within, touching the feet of the truth that shines inside her! Watching himself in the mirror of her being, not knowing whether¬†it’s her or himself he is worshipping, with his will lost in hers, his thoughts revolving around her, and his body going deep down below her! He can’t resist anymore with the claws of her beauty scratching deep inside him, he can no more recognize the lines defining his being from hers, like he just became her extension, like she is the origin, the beginning, and the end! In her presence, the place disappears, and the time stops, and he just kneels. In her presence the mind surrenders to her irrational logic, the body aches for its origin, and the soul worships in utter silence, in repose!

Many people find it hard to understand how possibly could sexuality open the closed gates of the soul, and personally I find it hard to understand how possibly could some people be so blind to see it! The body is the house, and the soul resides within, but the human race has always been fond of running away, escaping! Like everybody I have always been escaping, but I’d escape to the inside rather than the outside! Escaping to the inside, looking for the point where there is utter peace and understanding! Escaping to the inside is equally dangerous like escaping to the outside, and like you may be lost in the great Kalahari deserts, you may be lost in the great deserts of your mind, but that is the only way I can see, the only genuine way for me, a destiny may be!

I can imagine that some of you might find it weird for me to keep shifting back and forth between the sexual impressions in these wonderful drawings, and some cosmic/spiritual feelings, and that is something I want to explain from my own perspective. If you are a fan of far eastern philosophies and mythology, you must be familiar with the 7 bodies of man, from the physical and etheric bodies, to the divine body ( the state of Nirvana ), and if you are not familiar with this stuff, then let’s just say, it is a school of thought which states that Man has 7 levels of existence, or 7 levels of awareness and by that they mean something like the simple understanding of the average person who knows he has a body, a mind and emotions and different components composing him and defining his presence, it is something similar to this. So, back to my shifting thing, I believe that art brings these apparently separate, solid levels of awareness into a more liquid state in which you can move freely between your different bodies, diving down into your deepest instincts, and floating up on the surface of your divine truth! It gives you the freedom to dig inside your earthy nature, and fly in the open skies of the meaning, experiencing impulses coming from your different levels of awareness, revealing all sides of the truth from its earthy shape and all the way up to its pure divine form!

Like a star lighting a winter night she is, descending from her heaven all the way down to him, approaching him as he waits for her on his knees. Her heavenly touch quenching his thirst, her lips answering his prayers with a kiss that is more beautiful than life itself! Her eyes pushing his mind into a deep trance where everything vanishes, and only She does remain!
She, who knows, lays down on the flowers of life. He, who believes, buries his face in her legs, smelling the essence of life in them! She, who knows, blesses him with her looks, and he, who believes, shrinks before her look sticking more to her heavenly legs!
With her infinite power encircling him, with her feminine grace invading his being, She stands in glory, and he starts to feel alive! He drowns more in the trance She ordered him into, and he worships her twice! First for the Goddess She is, he worships her, second, as a thank you for the life she gives him! At her feet, he worships, and along them he climbs to heaven!

Sometimes it is hard to define the fine line separating the facts and the dreams, the symbol and the truth! Sometimes everything just mixes with everything, and you can never know if you are talking, dreaming, or hallucinating!!

Her Wild Stallion

The submissive god! Plz dont panic! Just a very short story!!

Posted in Femdom Literature with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 8, 2012 by thecountessshadow


Goddess he called her, but he knew he was the real God!
In the mazes of his mind the meaning was born, in the corners of his heart, the flowers of love and wisdom were grown!
On the wings of his soul, he carried her to the high summits, where the secret of life lies in repose.
Goddess he called her, with all her absurdity and carelessness, with all her beauty and cuteness!

Goddess he called her with the battle she ignited inside the chambers of his mind, the one eternal battle between the logic and the dream, the relative and the absolute! And out of that battle, in the burning ashes, the question arises.
How possibly could this arrognace co-exist with that submissive nature?!
How possibly could this wild aggressive nature co-live with that passionate heart?!

Like every question that matters, there are no answers, but if he is ever going to find an answer, it will definitely be hiding there, in the mazes of his madness.

Her Wild Stallion

The dream

Posted in Femdom Literature with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2012 by thecountessshadow

She was not so beautiful, with her frizzy hair, narrow eyes and that not so soft skin! He knew it, and he wished at times she was more beautiful, his mind worked hard changing some details, taking that actress long hair, these eyes of the woman in the portrait in his grandma’s hall, and giving them to her! He even thought once to buy her a hair iron in her birthday to make her look more pretty, but he pushed away the idea later, as he feared her mum who was his aunt would find it weird and suspect him! He thought, even if she is not so pretty, she is still good looking! One year younger than him she was, and he always hated her challenging him, always telling him no to whatever he says like she intended to tease him, or bother him! That last fight one year ago, about the cards made him really mad! He got the playing cards, gathered the other kids, and sat down to play, but she insisted on choosing the game he hated, like an angry child he stood up and said, you are so silly, why do you want to spoil the fun?! She gave him a cold look and got up without saying a word, and he felt real angry at her, he felt very much like hitting her, but that would get him into trouble with his mum and aunt, and he would definitely be punished! That made him more mad! This young witch makes me so angry, and I cant give her a hard time like she gives me, he thought. He then told himself, well I must look cool and careless, I should never give her the pleasure of watching me angry! And he went to the tv and opened it, as if he didn’t give a shit about playing cards, but she came out to the hall and looked at him in front of the tv, and laughed! He felt so angry, he knew she understood his trick! She knew he wanted badly to play cards and that he was so frustrated! He felt so helpless, unable to bother her as she bothers him! I don’t know why she enjoys bothering me so much?! What’s wrong with her?! I hate that bitch, he thought!

He always hated her attitude, but all of a sudden, all that changed! A major event happened to him, and changed the way he felt towards her. He reached puberty! That hormonal explosion has made his voice deeper, that tiny hair erupting from his face, that new pleasurable feeling coming from the member residing between his thighs! He was changing, and that explosion did not just change his body, but for his astonishment, it changed the way he felt towards her!

Nothing has changed about her, she was still cold as ever, still challenging him as always, but he started feeling differently about her stubborn nature! It was him who changed, and willingly bent to her will when she insisted on something to be done her way! It was a huge shift in his attitude, and instead of thinking of ways to bother her, finding ways to earn her affection was his main concern!

It was obvious that he changed, and she did notice it, but she never changed. She never tried to be nice to him, and after a while, that made him feel angry inside again! but he didn’t dare to let that anger outside as before. He wanted to act like a gentleman, and¬†more importantly he didn’t want to destroy his efforts in earning her affection over the last few months! He thought, it just needs more time, and I have to be patient.

She wasn’t so pretty, and he never understood the origin of his attraction to her, he never understood the origin of this intense sexual energy surrounding her! May be she was his only option, as he was so shy to go for a girl at school?! Is it that he stayed many nights at his aunt’s, and saw her in her sleepwear? these intimate feelings a boy develops when he sees a girl in her home wear, even if they don’t show a lot of her body?! It is possible! Or is it her stubborn and aggressive nature that nurtures his twisted sexual taste??! He never knew, but the only thing he did know, that he became obsessed with her, her silhouette chasing him everywhere, when he sits on his desk for his homework, at school, and when he goes to bed every night! He wanted to touch her! Touch her, yes, that is exactly what I want, he thought! He felt very scared and very excited, with the word “touch” echoing in his mind! Scared and excited like entering a freshly new territory! He felt like the word has a new meaning, like he has always used it and never understood it! Under his blanket staring at the darkness in his room, he whispered it to himself ” touch her”, and he smiled pleased with his courage, like he just dared to let that huge secret of his out! He smiled again and spoke it a bit louder “touch her”, and he felt so euphoric! He reached out to the edge of his bed and started moving his finger tips over the wood, like he was exploring what it was like to be a wooden bed! He then reached for the wall touching it, like he was exploring what it was like to be a wall! Like he was exploring what was it like to touch! Amazed with his recently discovered sense, he suddenly remembered her. It was already dark in his room, but he closed his eyes, he wanted more darkness, he wanted nothing to disturb her silhouette in his mind. He felt like he went into a trance! Like he was disconnected from the whole world, and it was only her image filling the void, there was only him and her!
Closing his eyes, with only her in front of him, he stretched his arm reaching for her shoulder, stopped midway with his heart beating faster, took a deep breath and with trembling hands, he went the whole way touching her shoulder with his finger tips, moving his fingers all the way down her arm and upwards to her shoulder again, withdrawing his hand, and reaching for her neck, moaning with ecstasy he moved his index finger along her neck all the way down to her chest bone, and gently across it, to where it meets her soft shoulder once again! Sinking more and more into his dreams, he remembered her white tight dress, sticking to her waist and showing the lovely angle where her waist meets her hips, what a lucky dress, he thought as he exhaled a hot breath burning with his desires! The white dress, he whispered, remembering it, just above her knees, her legs embracing each other as she crosses one over the other and dangles her feet in her white slippers carelessly! He moaned deeply remembering that scene! Dangling her small feet in her white slippers and throwing them off her feet carelessly, flexing her tiny toes, and taking her legs up her seat curling them under her!
With her legs and feet filling his mind, he pulled his hands under the blanket, and reached for his new friend! and…..he discovered a new meaning for the word…Touch!

It was not only he changed his reaction to her stubborn behaviour, he actually started to love it! May be, he has always loved it, but just confessed it to himself now, and that’s why he has always kept thinking about her, repeatedly trying to play with her despite the fact that she has always dumped him?! He was not sure, but he knew that by now, he was loving her aggressive nature! He didn’t just bend to her will as it was the case since his puberty, but he started to intentionally create situations that evoked her aggression so that he could enjoy bending to her will! enjoy begging her to come back to play, but it was not about playing cards anymore, it was about begging her! He cared to sit always facing her so that he could peek at her feet! Then it became even worse when he started feeling an urge to sit beneath her! Whenever she sat over a chair in some room, he found an excuse to be sitting down on the carpet, pretending to be looking for something he lost, or whatever came to his mind as a suitable excuse, and he always struggled to hide his hardons doing that! It kept getting worse and worse, and he felt that she started to sense it, when she told him once, ok now, don’t start begging, I said I hate playing cards, then she had a long pause looking harshly at him, and added, and I hate your begging too!
His face turned tomato red hearing that, and despite his embarrassment, he couldn’t stop himself from getting hard, which of course, she has noticed!
Following that incident, he stopped going to his aunt’s for a while, feeling so afraid and embarrassed, trying to get her out of his head, but all his efforts were in vain. The more he stayed away from her, the more his need for her grew wilder! He started dreaming about her day and night, awake and asleep, and his dreams grew more and more weird. He dreamed of her pulling his hair and slapping him, and he just kissed her hands. He dreamed of her slapping his face with the bottom of her white slippers as he just kissed her slippers and bent to kiss her feet! He was terrified from his feelings, but he couldn’t help but drown in them more and more, until he couldn’t resist anymore. He had that mad idea before but was so scared to do it! Now, it is time to go for it, he thought! Still scared as before, but his desires were stronger than his fear! Whatever happens, I will just do it, he said to himself.


He went to his aunt’s and stayed there all day, studying and acting normally, not even peeking at her, so that she never expects what he was going to do. He stayed overnight and everybody went to bed, but he stayed awake until it was midnight, and it seemed like everybody was in a deep sleep. He stood up and moved towards the room’s door, and then he stopped, his legs were shivering with fear that he almost fell down. He was so scared, thinking, what if someone wakes up? he would be in real trouble, but few seconds later, he stood up decided to go for it, whatsoever the consequences would be! He opened the door and walked gently seeking her room. He put his ears close to her room’s door, listening carefully for any sound, and when it was so quiet, he held the doorknob and opened gently and stood still, making sure the sound hasn’t woken her up! For a moment, the fear was taking over him, and he thought to just run away, but a look at her lying over her bed with her feet coming out from under her blanket set him on fire, and he entered the room, closed the door gently after him, and stood there in the darkness, seeing nothing but her bare feet, and hearing nothing but his heart beats!
He walked a single step, then stopped! I don’t walk to her, he thought, I crawl to her! And he went down on all fours and crawled all the way from the door to her bed. Breathing heavily he was, not believing he was there, kneeling by her bed, with his face few inches from her feet, breathing heavily that he was afraid his breaths might wake her up! He held his breath and touched her sole with his lips, he looked involuntarily at her to make sure she didn’t wake up, and when he saw her lying down quietly, he kissed her sole passionately and whispered, I adore you. She moved her leg and he shivered and quickly fell down hiding behind the bed, so afraid he stayed there without a move for a while. It seemed like she just turned around in her bed, so he got up from behind the bed slowly, kissed her foot one last kiss, looked at her and left. After the fear was gone, he felt ecstatic and stayed that way for the next several days, with his little adventure playing in his head over and over again like a cheerful song! He was happy, but he became more obsessed with her, and he decided to repeat that lovely adventure again, but thought it would be better to wait for a while before doing it again.
A couple of weeks after his adventure, he was at his aunt’s for lunch, and that was when he noticed she was acting differently. At first he thought, she was giving him more attention, a sort of being nice with him, but then he noticed that she was as cold as usual.

The only difference was the weird look she gave him every now and then, but he never understood what did it mean, and he was too excited ( being around her) to pay attention to that minor detail. He decided he would stay over night and repeat his lovely adventure tonight. Again it was midnight, and everybody was sleeping. He walked to her room and opened the door gently, with more confidence and ease this time, and he got inside and closed the door. She was lying in her bed, exactly like the last time, and he got down and crawled to her bed to find a surprise, to find her sitting down on her bed awake and looking down at him! He was shocked, taken by the scary surprise that he couldn’t even stand up. She kept looking at him a cold empty look, and remained silent. The silence burnt his nerves as a series of horrible images passed by his head like a streaming video! His mother, his dad, his aunt, even his brothers,¬†that is going to be a scandal, a nightmare! What did you do to yourself you stupid, he kept thinking and shivering until awakened from his nightmare by her cold voice, stand up you weirdo! He stood up in a mechanical movement like a robot, unable to say a word, or even to think about anything to tell her as an excuse for being in her room, what excuse could explain your presence inside her room after midnight,he thought, so he just remained silent. His thoughts were again interrupted by her voice again, more cold this time as she said, you think you are smart? answer me, you think I don’t know your dirty secret? not just this time, I knew it 2 weeks ago, she said as she looked directly into his eyes! Don’t you have any honour? sneaking into my room at night and doing your dirty things, do you want me to wake everybody now to show them how filthy you are? He was terrified and got out of his silence saying quickly, no please, don’t tell anybody, I will just leave now. She didn’t answer and kept looking at him a cruel look. He looked away, then he looked at her again and continued, I am sorry, really sorry, I don’t know why did I do that horrible thing, I must have been out of my mind! Please forgive me, I will never do anything like that again, but please don’t tell anybody, ok? Again she didn’t answer and he started to panic saying, would you tell them? please tell me you won’t. He was so scared that he almost cried, but she didn’t say a word, and she didn’t move her eyes away from his, then she said, get out of my room! He was more scared and begged her again, please don’t tell anybody, I am sorry, but she only repeated, get out of my room now! Her harsh tone made it obvious that there was no chance to say a single more word, so he just left. He couldn’t sleep that night and he left the house with sunshine.
He spent a hell of a week, unable to do anything, and waiting for his nightmare to come true. He became paranoid, suspecting every look from his mother, and waiting for the catastrophe. It was a week and nothing happened, he started relaxing telling himself that if she hasn’t told anybody till now, then she was not going to do it. He started to feel guilty, he felt despise towards himself, and convinced himself that he was sorry for what he had done. Deep inside him, he knew he was not sorry for anything other than the bad luck that made her catch him doing it, but it was his way to thank god for letting it pass safely, feeling guilty was his own childish way to thank god for helping him! He got himself indulged in school things, and never went to his aunt’s, even when it was a family gathering for the feast, he told his mum he was so tired to go anywhere. He didn’t want to look into her eyes ever again. It was fear,¬†the major motivation for everything he had done for more than a month. With time, the fear started to fade, and the embarrassment started to hide, and his desires began to show up once again!

The first time he felt his need for her, he panicked! Like her silhouette would get angry with him not keeping his promise, and would tell everybody about him! He got up from his bed and turned on the lights and sat at his desk studying, trying to push these desires away, but it didnt work, so he got up, did some push ups until he was out of his breath, and after his shower, he was relaxed and ready to sleep. The next time it came to him, he felt so tense, and he started praying! God help me to push these dirty ideas outside my head, please God, I hate them, he prayed! He was thinking inside, what am I doing? Do you think you could deceive your God? He knows you dont hate these ideas! He knows you want her so much! you should be praying, Please God, make her love me! He said to himself. But he kept pushing these thoughts away, and the more he felt that way, the more he prayed, God help me! He then went to his desk, trying to sink in his books to clear his mind, but he found himself thinking about the weirdest thing, asking himself the weirdest question, is it possible she loved it? She said, she knew about the first time, and it seems like she has noticed my attitude towards her before that incident, then why didnt she stop me the first time?! He kept thinking, it is obvious, she loved it and that moral speech was just a big lie! Thinking about this, he suddenly became so excited! Flooded with his emotions and desires, he jumped to the next question, what should I do next?! Many crazy ideas passed by his mind, but he suddenly woke up from his thoughts! He felt tense remembering what happened last time he saw her. No more stupid adventures, no more stupid assumptions! you will just get yourself into trouble, that is enough! He said to himself. He calmed down, and said to himself, at least, she didnt stop me the first time, she was awake, then she was approving, and I dont have to feel so embarrassed and broken in front of her! If she gives me that cold look, I will look her in the eyes a more cruel look, and she would never dare tell anybody! He felt a bit relieved, but unfortunately, that never took away his need for her! Three months had passed by now, and he had almost forgotten about that incident, and even forgot about her.
It was a feast, and he went to the family gathering at his grandma’s. It was crowded there with his uncles and aunts and their kids. He was energetic and social, and for the first time in his life, he totally ignored her, as if she never existed, and he had fun with the other boys and girls. In the evening, most of the people had left, and it became quiet in there. He was sitting alone in a room listening to his grandma’s old radio, when she came in and sat down in front of him, but he ignored her presence. He was feeling good that day, and he felt strong, so when she looked at him, he looked back at her an empty cold look. It was like a power struggle with the eyes, and they both kept looking at each other for a long period of time, until she stood up and walked to the balcony, she turned back to him and said, follow me! Her tone was ordering, but he didnt move and just said, I am listening to music as you must have seen, but she repeated strictly, follow me! No, I won’t, he answered! What do you want? He added. We have an issue, remember? We need to get things settled, she said looking at him, but he looked back challenging her, and said, no, we have no issues, and you’d better stop that childish behaviour! She remained silent for a while, then she said in a rather seducing voice, believe me, you will regret it if you don’t follow me, and she got inside the balcony and closed the wooden door after her! He sat there for a while, resisting his desire to join her! It didnt sound like a threat to him, it felt so different, her eyes and voice were so seducing and he found himself drowning in his desires, like her seducing voice awakened his need for her, and all of a sudden he felt so weak and needy, and so submissive! He stood up and followed her in there!

It was an old style balcony with an old fashion eastern bay all around, and entering there he found that she has already closed it, so it became more like a room than a balcony. Sitting there over the chair beside his grandma’s tub, crossing her legs and dangling her shoes, looking steadily at him. He looked at the cactus plant and the mint in the tub, then at her sitting on her chair, and he felt she looked like a queen! She sensed his weakness for her, so she crossed her legs the other side to make him more and more needy, and he just couldn’t resist anymore! His hardon was very obvious and she looked at it and said, I knew you would come, now do what you very much want to do. He was reluctant, but she said strictly, don’t act like you don’t understand me, get down and kiss my feet! We both know you are dying for it! He just melted, fell down to his knees and started kissing the tip of her shoes, breathing heavily as he rubbed his face in her bare heel showing from her shoe as she dangled it. She dropped the shoe and pushed her toes into his hungry mouth and up his throat almost choking him, then she pulled her foot out of his mouth and pushed his face away from her with her foot! He was on the floor as she stood up and looked down at him a lusty cruel look, put on her shoes and walked outside, leaving him alone in the balcony. He was so confused, why she did leave, why she did ask him to come if she didn’t want him?! But he was very excited to think about anything, and he did the weirdest possible thing, he masturbated himself, and lied down peacefully!
He didnt think a lot about what happened between them, and he went on normally with his life. They met a couple of times and she treated him normally as if nothing has happened between them, and despite his astonishment, he didnt pay much attention to her weird attitude, until it was a time they met at his grandma’s, and the moment they were alone, she told him strictly to follow her inside, and he just obeyed and followed her throwing himself at her feet kissing them and enjoying her arrogant look at him, and it became like a sort of¬†silent deal. Everything was quite normal between them, until they were at their grandma’s, only at their grandma’s, and without any talking! She just looked at him, and entered the balcony, and he followed her mindlessly to enjoy the few minutes she allowed him to worship her! And the door of the balcony, became like the door to heaven for him! In there the time stopped, and the world ceased to exist, and there was only her and him, the queen and her slave! Their relationship was so unusual, and very complicated. For everybody else, they seemed like the cousins who weren’t so friendly, she was cold and insensitive to him, and he didnt pay much attention to her, but inside the balcony, there was a totally different story, a wild, twisted, endless pleasure!
It was like that for almost a year, until she travelled abroad with her parents, and for his astonishment, he didnt miss her much, he didnt even feel sad when he visited his aunt to say goodbye before she travelled! He just shook¬†hands with her and said, enjoy the trip, and she didnt seem to care either! She shook his hands and just said, thank you, stay safe! The first time he felt sad was when he was at his grandma’s after she travelled, when he saw the balcony door and she wasn’t there! He entered the balcony and looked at the empty chair, where she used to sit down, her throne as he always thought of it, and he felt so lonely and sad that he cried! He rubbed his face in the foot of her throne, and kept shedding tears! He didnt feel sad when he said goodbye to her, and now , he was just crying! It was like he didn’t miss her, it was like he missed his balcony queen! But she was his balcony queen, and he couldn’t understand why did he just start to miss her that moment?! It was like their relationship existed only inside that balcony! Inside that balcony was their shared world and passion, and the moment they stepped outside it, they became just strangers!

His relationship with her was one of the weird things in his life that he never understood, but the time passed and gradually he forgot everything about that relationship. Years have passed, and he only saw her occasionally, almost once every year or two during her short visits to the country. They grew older, and started to act differently. She was no longer the silly aggressive young girl, and he ceased being that horny boy! They just became normal cousins who smiled at each other when they did meet occasionally, and had a short chat about college and new albums of famous singers. It’s true the first time they met at their grandma’s after years from her travelling abroad, they both felt a bit tense, and she was even more tense than he was, but like a gentleman he eased her by discussing some college stuff, and making fun at how they used to act like enemies during their childhood, like he was trying to tell her indirectly, that it was very long ago, so dont feel tense about it, and she became more comfortable as she got the message. It was like they had a silent deal, that this weird relationship was an early adolescence issue, that meant nothing, and it was over.

He grew up and stopped being that extremely shy boy he was. He was in love with one of his college colleagues, and has forgotten totally about that old relationship, until something happened to him, a weird thing that reminded him of that old story, and brought its every minor detail back to his mind. That something was a dream! a very unexpected and weird dream!

It was an average size room, like a bedroom, but there was no furniture other than a bed. Everything in the room was white, the walls, the ceiling, the floor, and the bed sheets. The white was always soothing, but it needed some colour to contrast it, but everything was so white that it made him feel a bit uncomfortable. Standing in the middle of the room, not sure where he was, he started looking around him, and he saw her, sitting there on the bed. He was astonished to see her there, and he said hi, how are you doing, and she just nodded and answered him, hi you, I am ok! He looked astonished as she was relaxed like everything was just fine, and he looked around him again, thinking this might be a room at his aunt’s house or something and he just didnt notice it, but it was nothing like any place he has ever been to! So he looked again at her and asked, where are we? What is this place? and she answered quietly, I don’t know! She sounded like a fool to him, and he said, what do you mean you don’t know? Why are you so calm?! She didn’t answer him but he kept going anyway, this white is bothering me, I need some colour! Doesn’t it bother you, he asked, but again she just nodded as whatever! He felt she had gone mad and he walked to the room’s door to open it. He moved the doorknob and was taken by the surprise, the door is locked! He kept pulling it, and knocking! Hey, anybody out there! Grandma! knocking again, but no body answered, and the door¬†didn’t¬†open! He looked at her and shouted, why are you so calm, we are locked here in this fucking white room you fool! He was going to shout at her again as her silence drove him mad, when he heard that scary muffled wild roar, and he was frozen in his place, about to wet his pants! He looked down at the direction of the roar, and he was terrified, feeling nothing but the cold sweat drops collecting over his pale face and forehead! What the hell is that, he wondered while that cold shiver crawled up his spine! That creature whatever it was, was so dark black, so dark like a deep moonless night, so dark that the white walls couldn’t make it look any darker! It had the looks of a cat, the size of a Doberman, and the eyes of a tiger! It looked like a very wild black tiger if there was anything like a black tiger! That beast was looking at him, and he was real horrified, thinking that was his end! But then, that creature yawned lazily, and went back to sleep! He started breathing again not believing he was still alive, and he started stepping away from it on his toes, gently so as not to wake it up! He threw himself on the bed beside her and sat down still struggling to hold himself together, as he spoke to her saying, did you see that beast? we are locked here with that beast. We have to find a way out before it wakes up hungry, and tears us into pieces, he said. He was talking quickly, feeling so scared, as he suddenly noticed that she wasn’t paying attention to his words, he held her arms and shook her, look, look at that monster, don’t you see it, he said while pointing at the sleeping beast, but she just nodded as if there was nothing! He left her arms and said to himself, she must have gone crazy! I have to work alone to get us out of here, he said to himself, and he ignored her and started talking to himself, calm down, calm down and think, and his mind started working with his eyes, looking for a way out, but there were no windows, nothing but the fucking locked door! He was getting more tense, when her footsteps interrupted his thoughts, and he was terrified when he saw her walking towards the beast. He stood up shivering, and called her in a low voice, come back here, where are you going?! Don’t approach this thing, you will wake it up! but she didn’t reply and kept walking towards the big black cat and she stood just beside it.

He was speechless, and there was only terror in his eyes, when she kicked the wild beast with the tip of her shoe in its face, and every hair in his body was erected! The beast raised its eyes to her, moved its claws a bit upwards, but then lied down again! He looked at her, unable to take anymore, and he shouted at her, what are you doing?! Are you mad?! You are gonna kill us! But she just laughed and kicked the beast again in its face harder, and he was shivering more, almost crying! Please, please stop it, it will tear us! Stop this madness, he said, but she just kicked the beast once more, and it opened its eyes wide this time, roared wildly, and looked angrily at us like the demons of hell were dancing in its wild eyes! He was sure, she had lost her mind and he felt nothing but that survival instinct. She kept laughing carelessly and the beast started getting up on its feet, as he kept moving slowly towards the door, determined to break it open, or at least die trying! He reached the door, and the moment his hand touched the doorknob, she kicked the angry beast again and it was hell unleashed when the huge cat jumped up wildly. He didn’t know, was it the fear that unleashed his latent energy to pull that door violently and open it, or did someone unlock it?! He didn’t know, he didn’t care to know! He just pulled her hand and screamed ruuun, and he started racing the wind!
It was like she at last got her mind back and started running! It was a long narrow corridor and they were both running as the beast chased them roaring wildly, determined to tear their flesh! He had no idea where he was, but he kept running anyway when the corridor was divided into 2 ways. He picked the right side and she picked the left, and he felt so angry and scared when the beast left her and came after him! She woke up the beast, and now she is safe, and he is the one going to die between that ugly bitch claws, he thought while running. He suddenly found himself in the middle of a mall, with a lot of people around him, and he started screaming as he ran, somebody help me! help! but no one did anything other than a rapid careless look, and the beast was getting closer and closer.
His body was about to give up, unable to run more, and he became more scared, when he suddenly thought, that is a mess! I am dreaming, and he started looking backwards at the wild creature and screaming, you are a dream, a nightmare, but it didn’t stop chasing him, and he started screaming at himself, wake up, wake up now! but nothing happened, and he found himself in a street, with the blue open sky above him, the beast just a few steps behind him, and he just thought, I have to fly! It sounded like a brilliant idea to him! That thing can’t fly! But how can I fly? are you mad? This is a dream, a dream, and I can fly in a dream, he kept repeating to himself! I will try to take off now, that was the word that came to his mind, take off! and he found himself flying upwards but he was afraid when his feet went up and left the earth, so he fell down quickly, and he thought, you can fly, you make it fill your mind with no fear and it will happen! and just before the beast’s claws touched him, he was taking off, getting higher and higher up in the sky! He looked down, fearless this time, and saw the beast roaring down, then he looked at the street, the buildings and the people all under him! I am flying, he said with ecstasy, as he saw a herd of birds flying by his side! He felt like he wanted to keep flying forever, and he started singing cheerfully, but it was his brown wardrobe in front of him! He woke up!

He was sitting down in his bed breathing heavily, not sure what he was exactly feeling. That was definitely his worst nightmare, but he wasn’t tense at all, on the contrary, he was feeling so good, so relaxed! He whispered to himself, I knew it was a dream, then he smiled, whispering again, I can fly, so lovely is the sky! He laughed at himself, feeling like a fool, making up that childish song, and he got up of his bed heading to the bathroom, still smiling, and telling himself, a fool or not, who cares, I can fly!

It was his weekend, and he used to stay home on weekends, like he wanted to enjoy every possible moment of his spare day in laziness and talking over the phone with his girlfriend! But, he felt like going out that day, he wanted to be in the open air.
He walked heading to nowhere, thinking about that dream, what a dream it was, he thought! Waves and waves of ideas, and memories kept hitting his mind, the white walls, the black cat, flying, a very loaded dream, more than just a dream it was. It sounded crazy, but that was the way he felt about it, a message it was! His cousin, he remembered their story together, the balcony! I have to visit the divine balcony, He thought and laughed, heading to his grandma’s house! He kept thinking, what did that beast stand for? lust? Or is it your kinky desires?! He smiled, pleased with his Freudian talents! Then, you were locked with lust, the sleeping beast, she provoked it to chase you, and only then, the door was opened, yes! Only when lust is awake, you can break the door open to freedom! He continued with thoughts, but it might eat you alive when awake! Not if you manage to fly! All you need to do is to believe you can fly.
His thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Madbouly’s voice, the old barber, standing in his shop as he has been for ages, greeting him, hello kid, so grown up you became, and he smiled back answering him, hello old man, you look as good as a 20-year-old guy!
He was at his grandma’s drinking the morning tea with her, and he went to the balcony, entered it, and stood there for a while remembering, and for his astonishment, he felt that warm gush of blood into his face! That dream took him many years back, and the balcony got back its energy once again!
He was kissing his grandma’s hands, preparing to leave, when somebody knocked at the door. It was her, his cousin! What a coincidence he thought! They performed the social ritual of greetings and smiling, and he told her he was just going to leave, and just at the door, he turned and smiled saying, tell me, why did you kick the beast honey? She stared at him and said, excuse me? what beast?! He smiled again and said,¬†never mind, you made me fly, and he left!

Walking down the street, waving bye to Mr. Madbouly the barber! He was thinking, she became more beautiful than before, and after a pause, he just whispered it, confess it you little pervert, her feet look so appealing, more than ever!
May be I don’t want to fly now, may be I want to stay with the beast for a while, he thought and started laughing!

Her Wild Stallion

The sin, the virtue and the desire!

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , on November 3, 2012 by thecountessshadow

“I am no longer sure of anything. If I satiate my desires, I sin but I deliver myself from them; if I refuse to satisfy them, they infect the whole soul.”

Jean Paul Sartre.

That is one of my favourite quotes of Sartre’s. I am sure everybody has most probably heard about Sartre, but for those who are not familiar with his name, he is Jean Paul Sartre, a¬†French¬†philosopher, novelist and journalist, and more importantly the father of modern existential philosophy. Anyway, this post is not about Sartre, and I am not the right person to write about this great man, as I am still exploring his writings, but I felt obliged to start this post with that quote of his, that quote which originated from his genius mind is definitely the best¬†beginning¬†ever for this sort of discussion.

The sin, the virtue, and the desire. That scary triangle ( actually more scary than the mythical Bermuda triangle! ) has always kept the philosophers’ minds busy thinking about it, trying to solve that hard equation. This triangle has always been at the heart of all religions’ teachings, like it represents that eternal battle between the soul and the flesh!
And that scary triangle has been a very important part of my own inner conflict, and many of my personal choices during my lifetime depended on, at which head of the triangle I was standing at the time I made that choice!

To start this discussion, you must know something about me, and we have to make a deal together! The thing you must know, is that I am¬†not writing this to support or to insult any religion or faith, that is not the purpose of this post at all. I am just speaking up my mind and sharing my thoughts with you, and that takes us to the deal, which is not to be angry with me if my thoughts dont coincide with your own beliefs. I dont claim I have the answer or the absolute truth, and all I want is to discuss and share my own ideas and views, as I believe that the most precious virtue,is freedom of the mind! Now after we made our deal, we can move on ūüôā

The priest ( I will use the word priest to refer to any religious leader of any religion) tells you, don’t sin, and according to your¬†religion he may ask you to accept god in your heart, or abide by God’s rules, or any other similar things, the language used may slightly differ, but after all, all these words are the same! They ask you to be virtuous, and when you ask how, they tell you to follow God, they tell you, pray and you will be fine! How cunning they are!
They are not cunning because they ask you to accept God, they are cunning because they don’t answer the question while they pretend they do, leaving you in a conflict and a hard choice between being virtuous as your desires eat you alive, or feeling you are a sinner as guilt burns you! So cunning and harmful they are!
The problem with these teachings is that they ignore the earthy facts, they ignore the body thinking they are taking you to the eternal spiritual realm, and while I do personally believe in the spirit, I dont think that sort of teachings would lead to any spiritual growth, as how can there be a fruit without a tree, and how could a tree bear fruits without being deeply rooted..These teachings want to pass beneath the body, while you have to go beyond the body and not beneath it to acquire any degree of spiritual growth.
The other problem with these teachings is that they are heavily contradictory and unlogic. They do send a lot of contradictory messages leaving a mess behind them! For example, when you eat, they tell you, ok but don’t be greedy, and when a poor man complains about being hungry, they tell him, don’t complain and thank God, be ascetic! When you are living your life and not thinking much about religious issues, they ask you to think about God and eternal life, and when you start really thinking and asking questions, real existential questions, they get scared and urge you not to think that way, they tell you that the mind could be devilish and misguide you, do you know why?? because your questions are so threatening to them! Priests have no answers, they only have rules, and advice! and personally I hated nothing in my life as I hate advice! I believe in this, dont advise me, surprise me! show me! and if you have no surprises, just share with me! and if you have nothing to share, for God’s sake, be silent!

I understand that this post is about sin and desire, not about priests and religions, but I am talking about priests, because the 2 subjects are closely related, at least in our minds! Besides, I assume by now you must have known this about me, I have that problem, that flow of thoughts which attacks me whenever I start talking about something, leading to this form of scattered ideas like a puzzle here for you to collect, so forgive me for that, but I cant help it ūüôā

I didn’t trust priests since my early days. I realized how cunning and more importantly superficial they were, so I ignored them and their teachings, and got myself involved in a sort of mythical faith, Sufism to be accurate. I dont know if you are familiar with the word Sufism, and it is definitely something worth writing many posts about, but this is not the time for this. So, I discarded the priests but the problem with sin was not over! and I started to understand that it was not simply about the priests’ teachings, so I began to look closer at the concept of sin itself! Is it real? Is there something like a sin for real, or is it just the creation of sick minds to chain us, to keep humans under control?! Like that old saying, ” if you want to teach him to be afraid, take him to a priest! “..Many questions were there, and I was confused, I had desires burning inside me like an everlasting flame! Keeping in mind that I grew up in a conservative, and almost religious family, you can imagine the degree of guilt I experienced just at the mere thought of living my desires! I was angry, very angry at religious men, I got involved into¬†imaginary¬†angry dialogues with them, like there was an¬†imaginary¬†religious man yelling at me, dont sin! and I shout back, shut up you fool, I didnt choose to have these desires, and he yells at me again, dont disobey God, making me more mad as I yell back at him saying, then go ask your God, why did he put these desires in me, if they were so bad! The imaginary dialogue continues with the religious man asking me to resist my urges, and I answer him, why do I have to fight myself, I have enough bastards out there to fight, I dont have to bear the burden of fighting with myself as well! During that¬†imaginary¬†dialogue with that virtual priest ( who is nothing but what psychologists call the superego or the conscience as ordinary people call it) I started to notice something that was very evident, but seemed like a great discovery for me at that time. They want me to fight with myself, this way of thinking and life leads to nothing but to you eating yourself alive! It imprisons you behind the bars of guilt, and believe me, guilt is the worst prison ever, worse than the famous Bastille fortress! All they have to do is to implant that idea in your mind, sin, and it imprisons you forever, like a self-sustaining circuit¬†of sin, guilt and atonement! I continued thinking further and talking more with my virtual priest asking him, is it a sin when I make love to my girl, and he answered with confidence, oh yes, of course it is! But if we took permission from the real priest ( the code word for it is marriage!) then it is fine, isnt it, tell me what difference does it make?! I asked him, what if I kill a man? He panicked and said, Oh noo, that is the greatest sin! I smiled at him and said, yes it is, but if I do it in a war, you will call me a hero, not a sinner! why so? because the government ordered me to kill men? He stayed silent and I laughed at him, what a son of a bitch you are! you are more cunning than the external priest! He was terrified and I was euphoric, now you scare me not! now I am the one scaring you, I said. I continued, you know what, you are the one I am going to kill! My conscience looked afraid for a while, then he stopped, and smiled an evil smile at me! A devilish smile indeed! You can’t kill me, he said, I keep you sane! Kill me if you dare and you will get lost in the mazes of insanity! You are too weak to face reality you kid, he said. You need me, to come and cry , get¬†your punishment and get out clean! I torture you with guilt, but I put some make up to cover your ugliness and make you feel better about yourself, you see, I am your friend, and not your enemy, he said smiling a more devilish smile! I felt afraid, and I asked, is it you? is it you the devil? and he laughed out loudly asking me, oh boy, are you afraid now? listen to yourself, you are talking like a priest now! I asked him, who are you? He smiled and said, I have many names, they call me your conscience, pedantic psychologists call me your superego! I asked again, who are you? He looked at me a scary look and said, I am the shepherd! you are the sheep, and I am the shepherd! I am the system that keeps you sane, and keeps the society safe! I imprison you in the cell of guilt for your own benefit, and that external priest is just my reflection, you and your fellow humans invented that priest, you love me so much so you wanted me both inside and outside, he said while laughing at me! I stared at him for a while, then I smiled and said, behind you is my¬†spirit, what if I kill you right now?! He looked a bit afraid, but said after a while, you can’t, you are not ready! I answered him, so cunning you are, but you said the truth this time, I can’t kill you, not yet! I gave him my back walking away, then I turned and looked at him again and said, but believe me, that won’t last forever, I will be killing you very soon! You pretend to be virtuous, while the truth is that you imprison me not only in the cell of guilt, but in the cell of my desires! you are the barrier preventing me from reaching real virtue! Purity of the heart! and the day I kill you will be the day I become virtuous! Bother me so much, and I¬†will kill you right away, bother me not and you may stay a bit longer, but believe me, you will be dead soon, I said, then I left!

The imaginary dialogue is over, and I am asking myself how could you tolerate my madness, if I am tired of it myself! ūüôā

A very wise man once said, ” they tell you sex is a sin, I tell you, sex is the seed of prayer! ” Sex is not prayer, but it is the seed..So, how can you have a tree, without implanting its seed in the soil?!
Religions and modern civilisation are very different apparently, but they do share a common concept, even if it is expressed in different ways, they insist on dealing with humans as wild beasts that need to be chained. They never cease asking you to fight your animal nature, your instincts, pretending to honour you as a human by doing so, while they actually insult you by showing despise to an integral part of your existence, and forgetting that your instincts are there for a reason! They make you suffer, by fighting your nature. They tell you, you are a human, and a human is not a beast, while the fact is that a human is ” a beast plus..”! And only when an individual embraces his/her earthy animal nature, he can see that he is much more than a beast, he can see there is much more beyond. Personally, I stick to the journey principle, that everything can be understood in the context of a journey. It is like you have to see beyond your earthy nature, and the only way to do it is to embrace this earthy nature itself! Now it sounds like I differ in the technique, while I share the same target with the priests, but that is not true. Actually, that journey idea, is what you may call “intellectualisation” , like I have a glimpse of something beyond, and my mind uses the intellect to draw a whole picture, but life is not in intellect, life is in experience, a live experience! I believe in enjoying the journey as much as possible, and I believe in being myself, so that if I do feel like a beast, I just go for it, and live like one, then I see what happens! You find something beyond the beast, that is exciting! If not, then you are just harmonious with yourself, you are not in a fight with yourself.
In other words, you are real. Real life may be dangerous, it may lead to loss, but there is nothing that beats the risk of sailing a dark windy ocean, than its beauty! Unfortunately they go side by side, beauty and risk, and the choice is everybody’s to make.
The only sin that counts for me, is harming another, just dont harm another, and dont intentionally harm yourself. I believe this is the only logic and virtuous rule for the journey.

The same wise man told a very symbolic story, that I would end this discussion with. A young man who was obsessed with life, death, and wisdom heard of a very wise man living in a cottage over a mountain in distant lands, so he decided to travel to him, to learn from him, and after a long tiring journey he reached the cottage. He entered and told the wise man, I have heard about you, and I came here for you to teach me wisdom. The old wise man looked at him and said, ok, but sit down until P prepare some tea for you first. The¬†wise man brought the tea pot and the cups and sat down beside the young man, and started pouring tea in the young man’s cup, he kept pouring and the cup was completely filled, but he kept pouring and the hot tea started to fall down from the cup creating a mess. The young man yelled at him and said, hey, are you mad?! The cup is full already and you are still pouring! The wise man put down the pot and smiled at him saying, yes, the cup is already full, how can I fill it with something else, there is no room for anything else. Like that cup you are full of many desires and things, how can I pour wisdom inside you?! Go empty the cup first, then come back!

I don’t know what do you think about that story, but I do like it very much, and hmmm, personally, I am working on emptying my own cup! ūüôā
I do hate giving advice as I said earlier, but if you want one, I will say, enjoy emptying your own cup, and if it never becomes empty, who cares! Just enjoy your life ūüôā

Her Wild Stallion

Venus in Furs

Posted in Femdom Literature with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2012 by thecountessshadow

I have talked before in previous posts about my early days, my late childhood when I started to experience fantasies and day dreams¬†related to Femdom, and how it took me years to understand and learn more about my nature and desires, and how it took me more years¬†to realize that I was not the only person in the world who felt that way. At that period of my life, I have read a lot and searched¬†for books that could help me understand myself, and that was when I knew about that book ” Venus In Furs “, and that same book is what¬†this post is all about ūüôā

It was 1999, and the internet was still something new in Egypt, and for an “anti-technology” person like me ( yes I am the sort of¬†person who prefers a paper and a pen , a traditional letter, to an electronic mail, even though the latter is faster, easier, and¬†more practical! I am that kind of a fool! ). Anyway, it was hard for me at that time to find that book online, and I wanted badly to¬†read it, and I will explain later why. So, I went to the book store I dealed with, and that was a very funny situation! I still remember my red face and how sweaty I was even before I enter the store, like everybody out there in the street knew about the book¬†I was seeking, knew about my secret, like people in the street were looking at me and laughing inside, thinking here is the weird¬†boy! ūüôā I was a sort of paranoid, that is true, but it became worse when I entered the store and was not sure, in which section should¬†I search, so I started looking in the psychology section, then in the foreign novels section, but I found nothing. I still remember
the hard time I had to escape the talkative book seller who insisted on helping me in my search, but of course I¬†didn’t¬†tell him :),¬†the plan was to find the book alone, then buy another couple of psychology books to give the impression that I am doing some sort of¬†psychology research or something! I know that this silly book shop story has nothing to do with the book I said I will be talking¬†about, and moreover, this behaviour of mine may look extremely weird and stupid for many of you who¬†aren’t¬†Egyptians, but I do tell¬†this story because for me, it became a part of the novel! The events and situations surrounding things become somehow part of the¬†aura of these things, like the thing and the situation surrounding it become linked to each other in our minds, and affect our own¬†perception of that thing, so you remember one of them to find yourself spontaneously remembering the other! So telling that story is¬†a necessity to talk about the book from my own perspective,, and for the non-Egyptians¬†who find my behaviour ( hiding my interest in¬†the book ) weird, take my word on this, if you have ever lived in a society where you would be judged according to your different
thoughts and feelings rather than who you are and what you do, a¬†society¬†which believes that hiding the disturbing facts is a virtue,¬†and ignoring your urges and reality to pretend you are the man/woman of morals is a bless! If you ever lived in such a¬†society, only¬†then you would understand my paranoid behaviour, but anyway, that is another story ūüôā

Now, I will explain why did I want to read that novel so badly..Of course most lifestylers know that our interests are considered a¬†mental illness in psychiatry, Sadism & Masochism, which in turn fall under a broader category called Paraphilia, which is a greek¬†word that means ” beside friendship ” and implies sexual behaviour that is atypical, and sexual arousal to situations or objects that¬†are not part of the normal typical stimuli..When I first knew about the word masochism I looked for the origin of the word, and for my¬†astonishment, I found it was a name, an author’s name! Leopold von Sacher-Masoch..I read about him, I knew he was an Austrian author¬†who wrote a novel called “Venus in Furs”, describing the Femdom lifestyle, discussing that desire from different views, especially¬†a psychological one, and describing the underlying conflict and the contradictory impulses that come with this sort of relationships.
I remember the first idea which came to my mind at that time, how brave you are Leopold! That is exactly what I thought at that moment¬†and I wanted very much to read that novel, written by that man, after whom my nature is named! It was like something deeply related to¬†me, and not just a novel, but apart of that, there was a huge erotic energy surrounding that novel building up inside me! Of course,¬†at that time, I had read a lot of erotic literature, but that one was different, very different. That one was a novel, sold in book¬†stores for everybody to read, and not like the cheap porn stories that¬†don’t¬†qualify to be even called literature! That one was real¬†unlike the fake porn people hide to read in¬†their¬†dark rooms for only one purpose, to jerk off! Thinking about that, I started to¬†think about the erotic energy surrounding special things, asking myself what makes some simple things more erotic and appealing than¬†other things which have a more open and frank erotic nature? That reminded me of the old saying, that a half covered woman is more¬†appealing than a totally naked one! The partial cover fuels the imagination and creates more erotic energy! Well, that would be one reason, but for me it was not enough to explain the erotic energy beyond that novel, and the reason that made it more appealing to¬†me than the frank open porn stories! Now, I think I understand the reason for that, it is simply because it is real, in the open air!
It is very much like this, like I meet a Domme Lady in a Femdom chatting room, and we start getting acquainted, and we start learning more about each other in different aspects, it is nice, but we start from that given, we are both into the same alternative lifestyle.
Now, imagine with me, I meet a lady, a work colleague for example, may be some lady in a library or a book store, we get closer, develop friendship, then it happens we discover we are both into the same lifestyle, a weird coincidence, but it would feel so different, and certainly much more erotic, like a huge erotic energy suddenly exploded like a nuclear bomb! I understand this example might sound vague, and not clearly related to the novel thing, but in my mind they sound so similar, because even if the porn novel is very well written, you still know it was written for a single purpose, to excite you sexually, to be erotic, which actually makes it less erotic! unlike the regular novel, that was written by some man to express himself and discuss his own feelings, it feels more erotic even though it is somehow subtle, or at least not openly erotic.

As I mentioned above, I didnt find that novel in the book store that day, so I decided to start a more serious online search for it.
It took me some time to find a free electronic copy of the novel to read (I¬†didn’t¬†have a credit card to purchase one!), and I read it¬†at that time, but actually I was more interested in the¬†Austrian¬†author of the novel than the novel itself, and it is ironic that after the hard search, I read the novel quickly without the expected attention that matches the effort I put to find it, as if it was¬†a treasure I wanted to find and own, even if I¬†didn’t¬†intend to use immediately, which sounds very stupid for me now, and I believe¬†you do feel the same ūüôā

Today, for some reason, I remembered that novel and I decided to read it again a thorough reading this time, and I thought it would¬†be nice to share it with you, but I¬†couldn’t¬†just share the link, I had to give you some of my own crap at first! ūüôā

It is very easy to find many links for the novel if you just search for “Venus in Furs” in any search engine, but here you will find one I found..If you are into Femdom lifestyle, I believe it is very important for you to read the novel written by that¬†Austrian¬†author after whom our desires are named! And even if you are not into Femdom, this novel is discussing a very special part of human¬†sexuality and reading it would help you understand more about it,,and for lifestylers, apart of the benefit, reading it will also be¬†fun ;).
So now, enough of this, I will just give you the link ūüôā
Ladies and gentlemen, here is ” Venus in Furs ” by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, and of course I¬†don’t¬†claim any copyright of that link ( I¬†don’t¬†want to go to prison or something ūüôā )

Her Wild Stallion

24/7 Slavery

Posted in A Different Perspective with tags , , , , , , , on October 13, 2012 by thecountessshadow

We have discussed before the policy and aims of our polling section, and you can review it in the previous post “Polling and beyond”.

In this new poll, we want to address an issue which might seem apparently simple but we do believe it is a very important one.

Through our own experience in femdom, we have always noticed the space separating the fantasy and the real world and during our own journey we have always tried to minimize that gap between what is fantasy and what is real, and this can only be achieved by more understanding of one’s true wishes and desires and what She/he REALLY wants to do and really CAN do.

We are pretty sure that most lifestylers either they are Mistresses or submissives have somehow fantasized about 24/7 Mistress/slave relationships in which the Mistress always controls (violently or softly) and the slave always serves and obeys (willingly or forced) according to each one’s own taste. The main theme in here is the strict Mistress/slave dynamics and the continuous 24/7 definite roles and power exchange.

No doubt that is one lovely fantasy that most probably has given every Mistress and submissive a lot of pleasure on many Saturday nights :), but that’s not the point. We have found that many lifestylers fantasize about this though very few genuinely want it, but the interesting part is that though many lifestylers can’t really practice it with their like-minded partners they remain fantasizing about it again and again and that poses a question, a bit philosophical one, about the difference between “to want” and “to be ready”, or is it all about the right approach and the right timing. We would really like to know about your own thoughts regarding this and this poll is just a little mind game to warm us up.

So now, the poll is one simple question, either you are a Mistress or a submissive, do you really want a 24/7 Mistress/slave relationship? (Please leave fantasy land for now and stay with us in real world while answering this). The answers will be a Yes or No for each gender, so please choose a Yes or No according to your gender.

The Countess & Her Wild Stallion